Croissant/Transcript

Below is a full transcript for "Croissant".

Transcript
[EPISODE BEGINS]

Good afternoon, wonderful friends. [SCREAMING] Starfire, what happened to your face? I applied the human facial cosmetics. Do you like them? - No.

You look like a clown. Ugh! Don't come near us looking like that.

But, are we not the friends? - Of course, we are. But only when you look good! I was not aware the looks were so important. They're everything. Looks are what people base every decision they make on. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Haven't you guys heard? "Looks don't matter."

What? - Is that true? Would people say it if it wasn't? - Then I do not look the hideous? - Of course you do, but so did the ugly duckling. The ugly duckling looks different from all the other ducks. All the poultry on the farm hassled him for looking weird, so he ran away. Years passed but he found no friends, until he looked into a puddle and realized he had become [EXCLAIMS] a beautiful swan. Things really turned around for this guy, now that he was a swan. He got to hang out with other hot swans and eat cake, and his life was great. The end. So you see, looks don't matter. [GLASS SHATTERS] Uh, I don't think you told that right. If looks don't matter, how do you pick out pants? I get to know them first to see their inner beauty. Observe. Hey, pants. What's your favorite poem? [DEEP VOICE] Oh, I don't know. I like the one about taking the dirt road with weeds. I like that poem, too. Your pants have good taste. See? It's what's on the inside that matters. You wanna see my insides, mama? [CHOKING] Better than what's on the outside. [WHINING] My whole life I thought we lived in a superficial society that valued beauty above all else! Great news! You're completely wrong. Guys, knowing that looks don't matter has given me the courage to tell you all, that I'm gonna be going through a messamorsiphisness.

Excuse me? - A messamorphisisis.

Huh? - A "missmorphisimasis".

I don't think that's a word. A "missamorsimephesis". You know, when you get all changey or whatever.

Uh, what kind of change? - Let's just say, when you see me again, I'll look different. So just keep an open mind, okay? That will not be the problem, friend Beast Boy, for however you look, we will always hold you dear in our hearts. Yeah, even if you look like clown face, here. [CHUCKLING] Huh? Who put a giant croissant in the middle of the room? It's not a croissant. It's a cocoon. Oh Who put a giant cocoon in the middle of the room? Hey, hey, hey. Get away from that thing. I've seen this before. It's an alien incubation pod. You're not going to lay your eggs in me. [SCREAMING] [SCREAMING] Mmm. My nose holes are enjoying the smoky, burned hair aromas. Gettin' so nice and toasty in here. Man, Beasty would love this. Where is he anyway? Remember he's going through his megamorpenus. Yes! Like the caterpillar entering its chrysalis and emerging as the fly of the butters. [BUZZING] Oh, no! [ROBIN SCREAMING] Robin, stop! Dude, Beast Boy is in there. [SCREAMING] Robin. [SCREAMING] Come on. I never get to use this thing. [SCREAMING] [GROANS] Out of fuel. What were you saying? Beast Boy is in there getting all changey and stuff. It must be part of the life cycle triggered by his animal DNA. I wonder what friend Beast Boy would look like when he emerges. [SWOONS] - Hey, mama.

Take me away, my man-insect prince.

What was that, Raven? - Uh, nothing. Nothing! [GASPS] Friends, the cocoon is opening. TOGETHER: Ooh! TOGETHER: Ew! Uh, Beast Boy? [GROANING] - Nasty! - Oh, barf! [GROANING] [RETCHING] [SWALLOWING] Hand me the machine of fire throwing. I will end this. No. That's our friend.

But he looks so gross.

What did I tell you? "Looks don't matter."

Oh, yeah. Forgot about that. [SPITTING] Nothing's changed. He's still our [RETCHES] beloved teammate. [VOMITING] [VOMITING] Oh, look. He's [RETCHING] building a hive out of his own fluids. Yay. [VOMITING] TOGETHER: [DRY-HEAVING] [ALARM RINGING] Oh.

Uh. The crime alert. [RETCH] It's Killer Moth. Titans [SCREAMING] Your city shall fall before my might. [LAUGHING] Hold it right there, Killer Moth. You'll never stop me, Titans. Um, who's the new guy? What are you talking about? [RETCHING] That's my man, [RETCHING] Beast Boy. [VOMITING] [GROANING] It doesn't look like Beast Boy. How dare you? [CLAMORING] What? What did I say? So that's how you identify a person? By their looks? Well, how else am I supposed to do it? [CLAMORING] Perhaps by looking at his internal organs instead. [VOMITING] Yeah. Get to know the man. [GROANING] [MEOWS] [VOMITING] Ask him his favorite song. Wait. Are you saying looks don't matter? That's like walking into a stinky bathroom and saying, "Smells don't matter."

They do. They really do. We don't believe your twisted lies, Killer Moth. But people have been judging me my whole life by my looks. That's why I became a super villain in the first place. It seems you do not know the story of the duckling who was displeasing to the eye. Of course, I do, but he's only accepted when he turns into a beautiful swan and is surrounded by other beautiful swans. So you're saying ugly things need to be with their own kind? - That's not exactly - No wonder we throw up [VOMITING] every time we look at Beast Boy. [GROANING] TOGETHER: [VOMITING] And since you are the gross, and Beast Boy is also another gross, - you should be with each other.

Hey, wait Have fun living together and being disgusting. [COUGHING] Those guys only think looks don't matter because they're all hot. [GROANING] Yeah. Of course, Robin's got it going on. They all do. But I'll show them a world where everyone looks the same as us. And only then will looks truly not matter. [LAUGHING] [MOBILE RINGING] Titans Tower. Robin speaking. [MIMICKING FEMALE VOICE] Robin, help. Killer Moth has taken me hostage, and he's doing horrible things to me.

Killer Moth.

KILLER MOTH: Welcome, Titans. Thank you for responding to the emergency distress call that I faked. [LAUGHING] Anyway. Let me introduce you to my newest invention. The bug beam. It can mutate anyone's DNA. Soon, the world's population will be as disfigured as I am. [LAUGHING] We'll never let you activate it, Killer M Too late. [GROANING] Now that we're all hideous insects, looks truly don't matter Oh, you guys look disgusting. [VOMITING] Uh, you look nasty too, genius. [VOMITING] Argh. This is the worst. How will I go on living? [WAILING] You know what? Forget it. I was going to mutate everyone in the world, thereby, eradicating the unrealistic beauty standards imposed by society. But forget it! I'm done! You'll never learn! I'm going to bed. ROBIN: Can we have the antidote? - No! Now that we are freaks, we must live in a shroud of darkness. The world must never see our twisted forms. TOGETHER: Never! Yo, yo. Where's everybody at? [HISSING] - Wait, Beast Boy? - If that's Beasty, then who's this bug?

Oh, that's Chuck. Silky's friend. I said it was cool if he crashed here for the week. Later, bros. Hey why are you guys hiding in the dark? Because we are now the nightmare creatures, - unfit for illumination.

Yeah. Aren't you disgusted by us? Let me ask you this, Cyborg. We still gonna play video games together? Yeah. Raven, will you punch me every time I hit on you? Absolutely. Star, is your heart still full of love and friendship? Indeed. And Robin, are you gonna keep on pushing me - to be the best hero I can be? - Of course. Well, then. It's like you said, bro. Looks don't matter. We're family no matter what. Hey, wait. You said you were gonna megamorpitus.

You look exactly the same.

Nuh-uh. Check out my frosted tips, yo. [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] Gross! [VOMITING] STARFIRE: [GASPS] Horrible. [BELCHING] So very horrible. [VOMITING] CYBORG: I can't even look at you! [VOMITING] ROBIN: Get out. Get out of this house! [ALL VOMITING]

[EPISODE ENDS]