Spice Game/Transcript

Below is a full transcript of "Spice Game".

Transcript

 * [Stomach gurgles.] Oh! My tummy's tellin' me something.
 * [Stomach gurgles and he screeches, transforming into his human self. Gasps.] Mine too, bro.
 * [Drops Silkie and stomach gurgles.] My digestive fluids also wish to relay the messages.
 * [Stomach gurgles.] Shh, quiet, I wanna hear what they're saying.
 * What'd they say, mama?
 * They're saying ... [imitates stomach.] We're hungry for food!
 * Then let us put the delicious morsels into our internal food sacs.
 * Oh, yeah! Who's cooking tonight?
 * [Enters living room from kitchen, playing the triangle.] Oh, Titans! Come and get it!
 * Oh, that guy.
 * Are you guys in for a treat tonight? My specialty, [removes cloche.] boiled potatoes.
 * Not again!
 * Aw, man!
 * [Eats a boiled potato.] Mmm! I got the mushiness just right. [Eats more.] Mmm! [Chews.]
 * Come on, don't be shy. [Holds out a potato.]
 * [Slaps the potato away.] So boring!
 * Why do you make the same boiled mush every time?
 * It's like I always say, "When you know what's going in, you know what's coming out."
 * Ah! And we wish you would stop saying that.
 * My flavor buds crave the excitement.
 * Don't worry, all we need is [Holds out a bottle of hot sauce.] a little fire!
 * Hot sauce?
 * That's right. When things get boring, you gotta spice 'em up! [Pours hot sauce on a boiled potato and eats it.] Ah! [Chews.] Oh, yeah! [Transforms into a dragon.] That's what I'm talking about!
 * Let me in on that!
 * Comin' at ya! [Laughs and pours hot sauce on a boiled potato attached to Cyborg's arm.]
 * [Eats the boiled potato.] It's like my tongue was in a deep sleep, and a spicy prince came and kissed it back to life. [Cheers.]
 * [Chuckles.] Ooh! Let me try!
 * [Pours hot sauce on Starfire's boiled potatoes.]
 * Now I see all that was hidden, the truth of life is revealed.
 * [Uses soul-self to pour hot sauce onto a boiled potato.] Spicy ...
 * [Stops Beast Boy from pouring hot sauce on the boiled potatoes.] Stop! You're ruining the meal and your lives!
 * Come on, bro, get spicy with us.
 * [Sniffs, gags, and pants.] I inhaled the fumes ... [Gasps.] Throat closing ... [Coughs. Gasps.] I can't ... Can't breathe ... [Coughs.] Must drink milk to neutralize the effect. [Gulps down a gallon of milk. Gasps.] Close one, almost died. Titans, trust me, you do not want to get into the spice game. It is a never-ending escalation of spice that leaves you spicier and spicier until you don't know what spice is anymore. No, the true spice of life is routine. [Alarm beeps.] Look, it's 7:15, you know what that means. Bedtime! [Runs off.]
 * and : [Sighs.]
 * [Approaches the couch.] What's wrong with you guys?
 * Our life is lacking the spice.
 * I can't stop thinking about that spicy prince. Will my tongue ever wake up again? [Cries.]
 * Everything is so dull now.
 * Then we need to get your minds off the spice. I know, [holds out a potato.] how about a potato? Look at the little guy! How could he not brighten your day?
 * [Hops next to the couch.] Now, who's ready to spice things up?
 * ,, and : We are!
 * I'd like you to meet [holds out a hot pepper.] hot pepper!
 * ,, and : Ooh!
 * He's a one way ticket to Spicy Town, yo!
 * First hot sauce, now hot peppers? The spiciness will consume your souls, Titans.
 * Whatevs, eat up.
 * Welcome to paradise.
 * Yeah, mama, we're living the spicy life now!
 * It's not too late, you can still come back to the bland side!
 * No way, we're gonna pepper everything up!
 * ,, , and : Spicy life!
 * Bring the heat. [Singing.] I'm a hot pepper. Hot, hot, hot pepper, pepper. I'm a hot pepper. Hot, hot, hot pepper. I'm hot like the fire. Hot like the sun. When we talkin' 'bout heat. Me be number one. 'Cause I'm a hot pepper. Hot, hot, hot, pepper, pepper. I'm a hot pepper. Hot, hot, hot, pepper. I'm hotter than hot than hot could ever be. I'm hotter than a billion, zillion degrees. I'm a hot pepper. Hot, hot, hot, pepper, pepper. I'm a hot pepper. Hot, hot, hot, pepper. [Laughs.] Fire!
 * [Peeling a potato.] Ah, so smooth. [Bites raw potato.]
 * [Laughs.] Spicy!
 * All spicy life for life, baby! [High-fives Beast Boy.]
 * [Hand catches fire. Whoops.] Yeah! You are so spicy, bro! [Extinguishes fire.] So hot and spicy!
 * Do not make contact with me for my skin is the radiant with the heat and touching it will burn you so badly!
 * Titans, calm yourselves!
 * Ooh, what's the matter, Robin? Are we too hot to handle?
 * Come on, guys, let's leave Robin alone with his boring potatoes. [Laughs.]
 * [Stammers.] Hold it right there. Now, just to show you I can spice it up too, [takes out the serving platter.] I went ahead and made something I think you'll like. [Removes cloche.] Boiled potatoes ... Wait for it. With salt. [Sprinkles one grain of salt into the pot. Imitates cat purring.] See, I can hang with you guys. Spicy life. Spicy! [Bites a boiled potato. Chews awkwardly.] Oh, wow. [Groans. Coughs.] It's too much salt. [Spits potato out and places the platter on the oven.] It's got ... Oh. My mouth is on ... fire! [Pants.] Ah! [Gargles down a gallon of milk.] Ah!
 * We don't need salt, bro, 'cause we got [holds up four jalapenos.] jalapenos.
 * The potato still tastes like the potato.
 * We'll just take it up a notch. Serrano! [Places a serrano pepper on his boiled potato and chews.]
 * [Chewing.] My tongue's starting to fall asleep again. [Chokes tongue.] Where's my prince?
 * Habanero!
 * Forget the food, just give us the pepper! [Eats four habanero peppers, but spits. Groans.] What is this, candy?
 * I warned you. Your lives have become too spicy, rendering you immune to spices!
 * Don't you have a hotter pepper, Beasty?
 * No, bro, I'm tapped out.
 * So we must return to the prison of blandness?
 * No, there is one pepper we have yet to try. Azarath Metrion Zinthos!
 * [Holding the black pepper.] Behold, the Tears of Zephos. [Thunder cracks.] Grown in the gardens of eternal flame. These peppers inflict great pain and suffering on any foolish enough to consume them.
 * Perfect.
 * This is not perfect. More spice isn't the answer.
 * [Chewing.] Mmm, not bad, you know this reminds me of ... [breathes fire and screams.]
 * [Breathes fire and screams.]
 * [Twirls as she breathes fire and screams.]
 * [Breathes fire and screams until it sputters out.]
 * ,, , and : [Breathe fire and scream.]
 * [Breathes fire and screams.]
 * [Breathes fire and screams.]
 * Need milk! [Summons four gallons of milk above the Titans.]
 * ,, , and : [Gulp down the milk.]
 * [Pants.] It's not working!
 * [Shouting.] There's only one thing that can save us now. [Summons Ancient Legends.] We must travel to the lair of the Dairy King and drink the infinity milk from his immortal udder! This map shows where he lives, but my eyes are too watery to read it.
 * Well, well. It would seem the spicy life has consumed your souls exactly like I said it would. [Bites a potato.] So, you guys finally ready to start living life to the least?
 * ,, and : [Crying] Yes!
 * Yes!
 * Titans, go!
 * We're here. Now, Titans, be cautious. We don't know what to expect.
 * I call first!
 * Me first!
 * Give up the milk, Dairy King.
 * [Moos.]
 * Then I'll have to take it.
 * How could you have predicted my predictable moves?
 * [Moos.]
 * I see what I have to do now. I need a little spice in my life. [Sprinkles a speck of salt onto his tongue.] Ooh! [Laughs.] Spicy! Ooh, that's hot! [Babbles as he runs up to the Dairy King.] Ooh! [Laughs. Babbles.]
 * [Moos.]
 * I'm spicing things up! El fuego! [Takes out two grappling hook launchers and grabs two of the Dairy King's udders.] Ooh! [Laughs as he tugs on the launchers, causing the udders to spray milk on Starfire, Raven, Cyborg, and Beast Boy, draining the udders.]
 * [Moos and collapses.]
 * Sweet relief.
 * We've should've listened to you when you told us to be bland and predictable, bro.
 * No, Titans, the lesson here is to live life in the middle. Do everything in life halfway. Not too boring, but not too exciting, either.
 * That sounds reasonable.
 * Give up the milk, Dairy King.
 * [Moos.]
 * Then I'll have to take it.
 * How could you have predicted my predictable moves?
 * [Moos.]
 * I see what I have to do now. I need a little spice in my life. [Sprinkles a speck of salt onto his tongue.] Ooh! [Laughs.] Spicy! Ooh, that's hot! [Babbles as he runs up to the Dairy King.] Ooh! [Laughs. Babbles.]
 * [Moos.]
 * I'm spicing things up! El fuego! [Takes out two grappling hook launchers and grabs two of the Dairy King's udders.] Ooh! [Laughs as he tugs on the launchers, causing the udders to spray milk on Starfire, Raven, Cyborg, and Beast Boy, draining the udders.]
 * [Moos and collapses.]
 * Sweet relief.
 * We've should've listened to you when you told us to be bland and predictable, bro.
 * No, Titans, the lesson here is to live life in the middle. Do everything in life halfway. Not too boring, but not too exciting, either.
 * That sounds reasonable.
 * That sounds reasonable.

Episode ends.