Think About Your Future/Transcript

[OPENING THEME PLAYING] [MUSIC] [Episode begins] Exciting news, Titans. I am buying team jackets. [GASPS] The team of the jackets. [FEMALE VOICE READING] No, Star, I'm talking about crew jackets. So everyone knows that we work together. Now, I'm thinking denim. - RAVEN: Ooh, nice, with leather sleeves. - ROBIN: Absolutely. The denim and leather is a fashion-forward combination. CYBORG: You got to put our logo on the back, really big! [GASPS] If we all have the same jacket, how will we know which one is mine? Because it's going to have your name on it. [STARFIRE GASPS] You can put names on jackets? [ALL AGREEING] This all sounds awesome. But puffy sleeves and embroidered names don't come cheap. Aren't you guys worried about wasting money? Why wouldn't we want to waste money? I don't know. So we have some later? STARFIRE: But the later is not until the later. Currently it is the now. RAVEN: I know, but aren't we going to get old one day? - BEAST BOY: Yeah, but later. - CYBORG: And it's the "now" right now. Oh, okay, that makes sense. Here you go. [MUSIC] Uh, uh, uh, this denim is so rugged, yo. But the leather is classic. [KISSES] Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. [LAUGHS] - We look like the fashion models. - Look like? [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] Uh-huh. Mmm-hmm. Ah. [FEMALE VOICE READING] Woo-cha. Woo-cha. Bam! Bam! [FEMALE VOICE READING] - You know this looks good. - Ooh, fierce. Ba-ta-ta! [FEMALE VOICE READING] You guys, we should get some pizza - to celebrate how goodz we look! - Oh, yeah! High-five. Extra-large, extra-extra cheese extra-extra-extra pepperoni. And the large jugs of the soda. - And a gallon of ranch dip. - Uh, guys, wait. Shouldn't we be eating a little more healthy? Why would we want to eat healthy, mama? I don't know, so we don't have health problems later. Later? You mean, when we might need that money - you didn't want us to waste? - I care not for the "laters". [CLOCK TICKING] [ALL CHOMPING] [MUSIC] This jacket-pizza combo makes me feel like a king! Hey, we should get tattoos to commemorate Jacket Pizza Day! Oh, yes, let us be marked with the inks. I'ma get me a fresh dragon on my back, yo! [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS] Guys, wait. We shouldn't just jump into a decision like that. - Why not, mama? - I don't know, because later Nobody cares about "later". I'm just worried we're making bad decisions that will affect us - later! - We saids no one cares about "later". All you need to worry about is what tattoo you're going to get today. [ALL CHEERING] ROBIN: Let's get it done! I am invincible! 70 YEARS LATER Oh, no, I've taken a spill and I can't upright myself. [SNORTS] Just kidding. I can fly. I can't see the beef in my sandwich. Where is it? Just kidding. [LAUGHS] I have glasses. [LAUGHS] Oh, the jokes never get old, Raven, unlike us. I'm glad one of us old geezers is in good spirits. [SNORING] Huh? What? Spirit? You see a spirit?! VOICE CALLING: Cyborg! Is that you, Clara?! You're coming back for me, baby?! No, you knucklehead, it's me. I need your help gettin' up. Oh, why am I always having to help you up off the couch, up off the toilet [GROANS] My legs don't work so good no more. I got the gout. [BUZZING] [GRUNTS] This is why I said you should have had some of those kids, so they can help you off the couch and the pooper, and different spots and places. Kids? Not for this lifelong bachelor. Watch out, ladies. [MUSIC] [GROANS] [BEEPING] Looks like it is time for the medications. There are no medications. We're out of money. Dagnabit! If we hadn't spent so much on these amazing jackets, we'd still have a little bit of money left over. And if we would've eaten healthy foods, - we wouldn't need so much medicine. - So many regrets. But not the tattoos, right? The accordion was a good choice. And now I can even play it. [ACCORDION PLAYING] [STOMACH GRUMBLES] Well, if we can't pay for our medications, we're goners. Can't say I didn't warn you. I told you "later" would come, and this is "later". I thought this was "now". This is "now" but it's "later" from then. - When was then? - Then was before. Now is "later". - Because it was later than before? - Exactly. If only there was a way to go back in time and tell myself to make better decisions. There is! A time machine! BEAST BOY: It's 3:00. - [LOUDLY] No, a time machine! - I said it's 3:00! [YELLING] We'll use a time machine to travel back in time and warn our past selves about our financial ruin and poor health. Titans [COUGHS] Go! [ALL GROANING] [CYBORG FARTS] [ALL SPEAKING AT ONCE] ALL: Ah! Huh? - Whoa, is that us? - [GASPS] We appear to be the raisins. Oh! So cute. Come here, old me. [KISSING] They time-traveled from the future. You must be here because the future is in danger. What cataclysmic event must I stop to save mankind? There's no cataclysm, you big dummy. We're here to save ourselves from you! [SWALLOWS] That's cool. No, it ain't. Your terrible diet has caused us crazy health problems. And the reckless money spending leaves us unable to pay for the medications. [TRILLS] And I can't even get off the toilet! You have to make a better future for ourselves. But we don't know nothin' about making futures, little old mama. That's why we're here, you numbskull. To show you how to make good decisions. If you don't heed our advice, there won't be a future for you or us. To live a long, healthy life, you should eat of the fruits and the vegetables, so your bodies do not become these bodies. I am a bag of flesh. Understood. I will fetch the maple syrup. No syrup, you dingbat! This apple here is nature's candy. Speaking of apples, did I ever tell you the story about the applecart? Well, this fella, he decides he's gonna park his applecart in front of my house. If you wanna have a root-toot-tooting future, - you need to set up a 401k. - 401k? That sounds like a yummy candy bar, yo. Oh, yeah! A thin wafer covered in that good nougat and caramel, and then wrapped in chocolate. - 401k. - No! A 401k is a retirement plan. All young people should start one as soon as possible. Now, the best thing about a retirement plan is the compound interest. Uh, I thought we were talking about candy bars. - What's a compound interest? - Imagine a piece of paper. If you fold it in half, it is twice as thick. Fold it again, four times Again, eight times Again, 16 times Again, 32 times Again, 64 times Now this guy's applecart is right on my curb. So, I come out and I says to him I says, "Park your cart somewhere else. "This ain't your property. " He says to me, "I got a permit. " "A permit," he says! Fold that paper one last time, [SNORING] and let go to the Moon. [GASPS] You means we can climb that paper to the Moon? Uh, that's not what we're trying to say. Let's start over. Imagine you have a piece of paper. The guy refuses to move the applecart. So, when he's not lookin', I run up and I break his ankles with a pipe. [CHUCKLING] That was a good pipe. Good copper pipe. What? [MUNCHING] [SARCASTICALLY] Great apples. Mmm. [STARFIRE READING] - Way better than pizza. - Which we couldn't afford anyway, since we're putting so much money into our savings. I think my interest just got compounded. That is so good. You should be proud. Look how your healthy lifestyle changes have affected us. [EXERCISE MUSIC PLAYING] [ROBIN GRUNTING] Welcome to the gun show! [GRUNTS] - I ain't breaking no bones. - I don't have to help him off the toilet. How long must we eat of the apples? For the rest of your life, you little scamp. - Nah, no way. I want pizza! - And I want to buy junk. Sorry, no more fun. That's the price of a long and healthy life. Guys, I was wrong. We're young, and that means we should be making the worst decisions of our lives. ALL: Yeah! CYBORG: Not so fast, youngins! If you won't take care of yourselves, we'll take care of you. We'll see about that. BOTH: Titans, go! Hot diggity dog! I got old man strength. Thanks for taking such good care of ourselves. I know life like this is boring. But if you make bad decisions today, we won't be around later. That's it. The only way to stop us is to make bad decisions. I am going to ride my motorcycle. [ENGINE RUMBLING] Wait, wait. That's a very dangerous hobby. No! It's working. Titans, endanger your futures! - We're gonna sit here all day. - And watch TV, yo. BOTH: So unhealthy! Hello, I would like to order the expensive shoes with the colors on the bottoms. Goodbye, the moneys! I will not be able to afford the funeral. And my cats will leave me! I thought you liked old people, dear. Not as much as I like fried chicken. Ah! Cholesterol! Saturated fats! Our triglycerides are through the roof! Oh. Great job, Titans. We've saved ourselves from old age. Let's go live our lives to the shortest, yo! ALL: Whoo!