The Return of Slade/Transcript

Below is a full transcript for the episode The Return of Slade.

Transcript
"The Return of Slade" [OPENING THEME PLAYING] Whoo-hoo! Yay! [THUMPING] [GLASS BREAKING] Titans! Crime alert! [SIREN WHOOPING] Yeah, so call the police. I believe the number is nine and the one and the one - in that order. - You don't understand. It's Slade. [ALL GASP] Slade! That's right. Slade. Our greatest villain has returned to settle the score. Are we ready for this? I don't know, but we have no choice. Titans, go! Whoo-hoo! I can't believe what just happened! The menace known as Slade has been vanquished once and for all! Oh, yeah! [ALL CHEERING] [DISCO MUSIC PLAYING] Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! And it wasn't just the fight that was amazing, in the end, so many compelling storylines came together and resolved in such a satisfying way! A perfect balance of the action and drama. Along with light moments of the comedy! And I finally got that kiss! [GIGGLES] Well, it's too bad people will never see any of it. No! That's a good thing, bro. It was just too epic! You know what, Titans? After saving the world, I think we've earned ourselves a party! [ALL TALKING EXCITEDLY] - Whipped cream! - Oh, whoo! We'll have food, dancing, and any type of entertainment you guys want! A DJ? Rock band? Magician? You name it! [BOTH] A clown! What? - We said - BOTH: A clown! - Please, what is the clown? - This is a clown, Star. [SCREAMING] What do they do? What do they do? [BREATHING HEAVILY] Well, they entertain small children. Who would let such a creature near a child? [GROANS] No, Star. Clowns are the coolest! Yeah! We loved clowns since we were kids! So cool, and they have that great music! [VOCALIZING CLOWN MUSIC] When I hear that, I know it means good times! Or the ice cream truck. - So, yeah, clowns. - We haven't seen one in years! Yeah, clowns are great for little kids! - You guys are too old for clowns. - Oh, yeah? How's Season 6 of Pretty, Pretty Pegasus? Oh, my gosh! Well, Butterbean and Sparkleface have to save King Jellybean who has been frozen in cake frosting and [SCREAMING] [CLEARS THROAT] That's completely different. [SIGHS] So I'm really going to hire a clown? Oh, no, no! No, no, please! Please, do not do it! I beg of you! [BOTH] A clown! [EVIL LAUGHTER] A clown it is. [DISCO MUSIC PLAYING] Attention, Titans. I know we're all having a good time but the [CLEARS THROAT] clown is here. [LAUGHING] [SCREAMING] [LAUGHING EXCITEDLY] - Oh, yeah! - This is gonna be so good! [LAUGHING GOOFILY] Ow! [LAUGHING] Wait a minute. This clown is horrible! Yeah. Why you doing lame kiddy stuff? [BOOING] I told you, you're too old for clowns. No, it's him! This is not the way we remember his act! Guys, this is a classic clown act! Look at the shoes, the nose, the makeup. No way! This clown is for kids! Yes! Clowns are for kids! When I was a kid, clowns were way cooler! - They had depth and meaning! - This clown is garbage. Kids today don't know what they're missing. You know, maybe we can fix him. - Make him as cool as he used to be. - Clowns were never cool. You're letting nostalgia cloud your memory. Guys. Kids' entertainment is not something to be messed with. It's sacred. I worry that altering this clown could have disastrous consequences! Sorry, mama, but we're making this clown cool again. Man, look at this clown! I know. He looks like some kind of clown! What a disgrace. But we'll just dress him up like we remember him. I don't really remember what he looked like, bro. - Just that he was cool! - Then let's make him cool! With science! Just sign this here waiver stating that we can do anything we want to your mind, body, and spiritual being. [HONKS] BEAST BOY: Thanks, bro. [BOTH LAUGHING MANIACALLY] [MUSIC] [BUBBLING] [BUZZING] [LAUGHING] [GROWLING] The clown's gone, Star. It's safe to come out. [KISSING] Uh-uh. Uh-uh. - You guys! - We made our clown cool again! Keep him away from me! [HISSING] Check it! [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] [LAUGHING MANIACALLY] [HONKING] [SCREAMING] [PANTING] Doesn't look very funny to me. - Oh, yeah? - Do your act, yo! [GROWLING] Ahhh! The clown is trying to kill me! [GROANING] It burns! [GRUNTING] [LAUGHING] Oh, it's like a pie to the face! But cooler! [HONKING] Told you, clowns are funny! Guys! This is wrong! [CHUCKLES] Okay, it's a little funny. But still wrong! You've taken something that's meant to be for kids and made it totally inappropriate just so you can still enjoy something you should have outgrown! We just made him like we remember! And now, we're gonna release him so he can spread joy to all the kids in the world! RAVEN: That clown's not for children. And I'm worried what the influence of something like that could have on all kids' entertainment! What? You worried it's gonna make it better? Yo, clownie! Get out of here and go make some kids happy! [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] [LAUGHING MANIACALLY] [GROANING] Time for the latest episode of Pretty, Pretty Pegasus! King Jellybean has betrayed us! We may never eat candy again. I don't want any filthy candy! I just want blood! [LAUGHING MANIACALLY] [BOTH GROWLING] [GASPS] What is this? This is supposed to be a kids' show! What's happened? Ha, ha, ha! The clown. [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] [LAUGHING MANIACALLY] [BEEPING] [LAUGHING] [SCREAMING] [LAUGHING] [GROWLING] [SCREAMING] [LAUGHING MANIACALLY] [GROWLING] [CLOWN LAUGHING] [KIDS SCREAMING] ROBIN: How dastardly! If that clown has his way, all children's entertainment will be tainted! I guess we lost sight of what made clowns cool in the first place, as being age-appropriate entertainment. We can't hold on to our childhood forever. - Things change. - Well, it's time to grow up. Are we going in guns blazing? No. The only way to stop him - is to remind him of who he truly is. - Titans, go! [BEEPING] [WHIRRING] [CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING] [CRASHING] [VOCALIZING CLOWN MUSIC] Ow! Ow! Ow! [LAUGHING] It's working! Now, for the big finish! [ALL VOCALIZING CLOWN MUSIC] [CLOWN CACKLING] [GASPING] Thanks for the laughs, Titans. This was a horrible plan, Raven. Why did you think this would work? [HONKS] Children's entertainment is doomed! [LAUGHING MANIACALLY] [HONKS] - Starfire? - I will never trust the clowns.