The HIVE Five/Transcript

Below is a full transcript for the episode "The HIVE Five".

Transcript
Gizmo: I call this H.I.V.E. meeting to order. Now, it's no secret that we've had a rough time. The Titans are everywhere we turn, thwarting our schemes, ruining our lives. But not for much longer, because my latest plan

[CELL PHONE RINGING] One sec. Hello?

[IN SILLY VOICE]

Hello, is Fred there? Sorry, you got the wrong number. As I was saying, we will no longer be at the mercy of the Titans. Thanks to my latest plan

[CELL PHONE RINGING] [GROANING]

Hello?

[IN SILLY VOICE]

Hi, I am calling for the Fred. Is he in?

Wrong number! The era of the Teen Titans will come to an end, thanks to my latest plan

[CELL PHONE RINGING] [GROANING]

Who is it?!

[IN SILLY VOICE]

Good afternoon, sir. Can I talk to Fred?

[GROANING]

There's no Fred here!

[GROANING]

My latest plan

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

What?!

Yo, yo, yo! This be Fred. Anyone call for me?

[ALL LAUGHING] [CYBORG LAUGHING] [SCREAMING]

The Titans?

[GROANING]

I hate those guys!

So let's hear your latest plan to crush 'em. You know what? Forget it. I can't deal with those jerks today. I have a new plan.

Let's take the day off.

How about instead, we launch a swarm of jerk-seeking murder missiles?

No.

Could retrain and release a vicious pack of jerk-seeking murder dogs?

No. Spray the city with jerk-seeking murder fog?

No! What we need is a quiet day of rest and relaxation. I get it. Rest, relax, let the Titans think we've gone soft and then, boom! We hit them with the murder missiles!

[ALL CHUCKLING]

Yes, sir, jim-dandy! That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah! No murder missiles. It's a day off! No chaos, no crime. Just enjoy yourselves, and if you see the Titans do not engage.

What if they see us?

Do not engage. What if we see each other at the same time?

I said, "Do not engage!" We can't let them upset us!

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Hello!

Oh, yes, hello. Do you have any olive oil in the house?

Olive oil?

Well, you better let her go before Popeye gets mad. Boom!

[ALL LAUGHING]

Olives are the funny. [SCREAMING]

Rest! Relax! Day off! No Titans! Meeting adjourned!

[CRASHING]

Hey, See-More! I didn't know you were an artiste. All right! Not bad. [GROANING]

Hmm, you made this weirdo look good. [SCREAMING]

Now, draw me. [SPLASHING] [GROANING]

But can you do me a solid and give me a discount? Just kidding, dude. No, but really, I only have five bucks on me. What is that? A circle? That's easy, anyone can draw a circle. How about like this? Ahh!

So, what you got now? Hmm Mmm. Not bad, but how about one of those funny, tiny bodies? Yeah. Ooh. Tinier. Funnier. Give me more muscle. Oh! Make me holding Jinx. Yeah, yeah, but give me more muscles. Yeah. Ah! Make me surfing. But, like, on a shark. Ooh, ooh, ooh! Make the shark Beastie! Hair! Give me cool hair! Give me more muscle. A shark. Beastie. Jinx. [SCRIBBLING]

What? That doesn't look anything like me! Mmm-mmm. This guy's a terrible artist. [GASPING]

Move it along. Don't waste your money. Curse you, Cyborg!

[MEOWING] [GROANING]

Ahhh!

[CAR TIRES SCREECHING] [CRASHING] [SCREAMING] [MEOWING]

You and I have a lot in common. We're sleek, we're cuddly. [PURRING]

And best of all, we're bad luck. [MEOWING]

Come on. Let's have some fun. [TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING] [SCREAMING] [SCREAMING] [MEOWING] [CHUCKLING] [MEOWING]

Jinx, are you currently engaging in the criminal misdeeds? Are you planning the heist? Are you walking the jay?

Answer me!

Do not engage. Ooh, kitty!

[PURRING]

Ooh.

Hey! That's not your cat!

Oh, is she the yours?

She's an alley cat. No one owns her.

I see. In that case, we will act in accordance with the Law of Felines and let the kitty decide who she will play with. [MEOWING]

BOTH: Here, kitty! Kitty, here. Come here!

Come to Starfire, kitty.

Come here!

Come to Starfire, Kitty. Come here!

Kitty! Joy! Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty time, time Oh, the kitty, kitty time meow, meow, meow Oh, how I love the kitties!

Well, I hate you, and I hate the Titans.

"Meow!"

[GROANING] [HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING] [LAUGHING]

You call that dancing, bro? Watch this!

MAN: # One, two, three, hit me!

CROWD: Whoa!

[GRUNTING] [HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING] [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] [HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING] [CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC STOPS] [PANTING] [APPLAUDING]

Beast Boy. Anyone up for a little game?

ALL: Yes, sir. I could play. Let's pick teams. Only if I can pick first. Ooh, this is tough.

I'll take Billy.

Yee-haw! Hey, I was gonna pick Billy.

I'll take Billy.

Whoo! - I'll take Billy.

I'll take Billy.

I'll take Billy.

I'll take Billy.

I'll take Billy.

Man, why am I always picked last?

Looks like it's gonna be a bea-utiful day for a ball game. Peanuts! Get your peanuts!

Hot dogs! Hot dogs here!

Stee-rike three! You're out!

Out? How was that a stee-rike? He missed by a mile.

Are you blind?

I've had enough. You are out of here!

ALL: Boo!

[BILLY ON PA]

Here's the wind up and the pitch. Back, back, back, back, back. And it's gone! Home run!

ALL: Whoo! Ow!

[GRUMBLING] [GROWLING] [SCREECHING]

You have disturbed my afternoon reading, and now you shall pay!

[SCREAMING] [ALL SCREAMING] [GRUNTING]

Man, the Titans ruin everything. Today, Gizmo, we walk tall. [POP MUSIC PLAYING]

Let's do it again

[SCREAMING]

Gizmo, I know it's you.

Ah, no, man. I don't know any Gizmos. [SCRAPING]

You can't fool me, you little miscreant. It's not what you think! [ROARING]

Ow!

[GRUNTING] [GRUNTING] [STRUGGLING]

It's my day off! Ow! I just wanted to have a good time. And be tall!

Oh. Very well. Titans!

GIZMO: So, is everyone rested and relaxed?

[ALL GROANING]

Good, because I have a new plan. [CELL PHONE RINGING]

One sec. Yes, hello. Is Cole there? Yeah, uh, Cole. Last name

[GIGGLING]

Last name, Cuts. [LAUGHING]

"Cold Cuts!"

[GROANING] [LAUGHING]

Like lunch meat!

[CYBORG LAUGHING]