Nean/Transcript

Below is a full transcript for "Nean".

Transcript
[EPISODE BEGINS]

[GRUNTING] Hey, anyone know what time it is?

[BEAST BOY READING] - Who wants non-meat? - I want non-meat! Get some tofu in your grill!

[BRAYS] I want non-meat that's pretending to be meat! Then give these veggie dogs a good home, yo! [BARKS] Ooh, I want the non-meat that I can eat! Then dip into this vegetarian chili, yo! I just want to read. Sounds like you need some carrots for your peepers, mama. [GRUNTS] [SQUEAKS] [SCREAMING] And Raven ruins another party. This non-meat party is not a party. It's stupid and derivative. Why do you have to be so mean all the time? You guys don't even like non-meat. Of course we don't. We're just being nice to Beast Boy. So you're lying to him? That's not nice. Oh, but I do love the vegetarian chili. Ugh! If you love it so much, why don't you marry it? Marry the chili? I do love it the so much. And I could see us building the life and growing old together. What a happy, happy life we will have together, dear chili Oh, great. Now I have to be the mean one and explain to her why she can't marry a pot of chili. Man, I am super-excited about Star's wedding! It's just so nice when a beautiful woman and a dashing pot of chili find true love. There's not gonna be a wedding. [GASPS] Did they break up? No! Raven's just being mean again. Phew! So, mama, you wanna be my date? I am not going to a chili wedding. Would you come if Starfire was marrying - a chicken-parmesana sandwich? - No.

What if Starfire married some soup? - No.

Rice and beans? - You guys are starting to annoy me. Hot dogs? - Last warning. Corn on la cob. [GROANS] [BOTH GROANING] Hello, hello, hello! Ugh! My day just keeps getting better.

What do you want, Dad? - I sensed you causing great pain and suffering to your friends and thought, "Hey, maybe you're finally ready to devour their souls, "and join me in the destruction of this pitiful world."

Nope. Why don't you want to destroy anything with your father anymore? - Because I'm a nice person.

You? Nice? [LAUGHING] Wait, wait, wait [LAUGHING] I'm sorry, Raven, but you are mean. It's the half demon in you. Maybe I'm not nice, but I'm not mean either.

I'm "nean."

"Nean"? [STAMMERS] A-Are we just making up words now? I can do that too. Look, I'm a real Bluzo kind of guy. "Nean" is being nice by being mean. I tell it like it is when people are acting ridiculous. That's dumb. Stop it. Everybody needs a "nean" person in their life.

And I'm the neanest.

You're being such a norblem right now. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we were still making up fake words.

See, now you're being mean.

Exactly! And you should be too. But if you don't want to, so be it! [EXCLAIMS] Something tells me you're about to have a nice day, Raven. [LAUGHING] What's so funny? I made a pun that will make sense to you later.

Maybe we'll share a "nice" laugh about it. [LAUGHING EVILLY] Hey, what time is it? [BEAST BOY READING] I cannot. I'm in a committed non-meat relationship. Non-meat will upset my belly. I really just want to know what time it is. [GROANS] And I know, Raven doesn't want any. I want non-meat.

You do? - I do? If you say so, mama. Mmm keep that non-meat comin'. Participating in one of Beast Boy's inane activities. Why are you being so nice, Raven? I don't know. Whatever the reason, it means the world to me, mama. Tofu in your face! Uh-oh. I know that look, Beasty. Run! [SNARLS] [SCREAMS] Don't leave me hangin'. Yeah! Unh! [MUSIC] Beast Boy, you're so crazy! What is happening to me?! [SLURPS] Mmm

[WHISTLING] Oh! Hope I'm not interrupting. I just wanted to congratulate the chili on his upcoming nuptials. [GIGGLES] Then I shall give you a moment to do the "Bro-out."

Well, you won her heart fair and square, my good man. So you think you can steal Starfire from me just by being delicious? Do you? Huh? Huh? You think you're so hot. Well, let's see how hot you can get. [LAUGHING EVILLY] Looks like you're starting to sweat. What'd you say? Come on bro, say it again. Say it to my face. [SCREAMING] Chili! [CRYING] Oh, it burns! Something strange is happening to me. When did I start being so nice?! [KNOCKING AT DOOR] Friend Raven, do you have a moment? Uh, of course, I do. Ugh! I realize you have the doubts about my engagement, but the chili and I hope you will join us for the wedding. Of course, I won't. It's your wedding, Star. Really? I was having the second thoughts, but if you are so supportive it must be the right thing to do. As long as you're happy, I'm happy. Wonderful. Oh, the chili will be so happy to hear we have your blessings. STARFIRE: Chili! [SCREAMING] [CHUCKLING] So you get my little pun now? Remember? "Have a nice day"? - I cursed you so you could only be nice.

Why? To force you to make a decision. Be nice or be mean. No more this "nean" stuff. It's not a word. Thank you for taking an interest in me, but I'll have to get back to you. Very well. Before I go, can I get a hug? [GROANING] Oh. Oh! That's a good one. [CHUCKLES] Now, who's the best daddy in the world? You are! Ugh! [CHUCKLES] I kind of like you this way. [SOBBING] Ugh. What's wrong, Robin? [SOBBING] Starfire. I've lost her forever.

That chili is just too awesome.

It's not too late, you know. You'll help me sabotage the wedding? You don't need to sabotage anything. You just need to be yourself.

But that chili is so cool. So are you. You have so much to offer. You're right. [SNIFFLING] I am pretty great. Thanks, Raven. Wow. I feel good because I made him feel good. Maybe being nice isn't so bad. Hey, nice face. Thanks. [GIRL SCREAMING] [GASPING] [GASPING] Great magic trick. [SCREECHING] Aw! Cute baby. [CHOMPING] [SPITTING] Thanks for the delicious hot dog. [SNIFFING] Raven! Flowers? - Are you actually enjoying yourself? - Being nice is nice. This was the best thing you've ever done for me. Oh, please. You're only saying that because of - a stupid curse I put on you.

No, Dad. I don't need your curse to be nice anymore. [GASPS] This is not what I intended. I must remove the curse! You'll have to catch me first. [SCREAMING] [GRUNTING] [RAVEN GRUNTING] - Give me that curse! - Well, if it's the nice thing to do. [SCREAMING] [GROANING] Oh, no. A reverse curse! And I'm back to normal. Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate if you'd never bother me again. Of course, honey. You need your space. [STUTTERING] I understand completely, boo-boo kitty. [GROANING] Now, I'm being nice. How could my plan backfire so badly? Yeah, I would have told you your plan was dumb, but I couldn't because it wouldn't have been nice. That's why the world needs "nean" people, Dad, to keep dumb people from doing dumb things all the time, speaking of which, I need to go. Oh, and Dad, have a nice day. [FANFARE PLAYING OUT-OF-TUNE] [SNIFFLING] [CRYING] [BELCHING] Everyone, may I have your attention, please? I'd like to say a few words. This chili wedding is super dumb. There. Someone had to say it. [ALL GASP] I knew this chili wasn't good enough for you. Ha! I was kind of thinkin' that, but I didn't want to be mean. Me too, brah. Me too. You have ruined the chili wedding, Raven! [SIGHS] Thank you. I did not really love the chili. Well, someone had to be the "nean" one. [ALL CHEERING] There, there, chili. I know it hurts now, but the right girl for you is still out there. Come on, let's go grab some ice cream. [CHUCKLES]

[EPISODE ENDS]