Silicon Valley Cyborg

Silicon Valley Cyborg is the #6 issue of Teen Titans Go!

Writer: Richardo Sanchez Artwork: Ben Bates Cover by: Dan Hipp Release Date: April 23, 2014

Summary
When Cyborg is named CEO of the Silicon Valley startup “CHiRPFOLiO,” he hires the Titans as his employees! Everyone accepts the offer, except for Robin, a decision he soon regrets.

Plot
Cyborg rides into the living room on a segway, wearing glasses, a black sweater, and jeans. After making Robin play a short guessing game, Cyborg explains that he had baeen made the CEO of the Silicon Valley startup "CHiRPFOLiO". He offers each of them their own segways, and he names his segway Tilly. He also offers their own jobs at the company: Robin: The Chief Operating Officer, Starfire: The VP of Rainbows and Happy Thoughts, and Raven: VP of Skull Cracking and Name Taking. Feeling left out, Beast Boy wonders what his job is, but Cyborg tells him that the two of them can figure that out later.

Raven opens a portal, and everyone starts to drive their segway into it. Before they enter, Robin orders them to stop, telling them that he doesn't want a job working for Cyborg, and that they already have jobs as the heroes of Jump City. Everyone keeps going, but not without waving good-bye. Just as the portal is closing, Robin barely drives his segway through to meet everyone else.

The Titans find themselves atop a hill next to the CHiRPFOLiO headquarters. Cyborg announces that it is the world's largest building, with 200 bathrooms. This provokes Raven and Starfire's excitement. Starfire flashes back to sharing one bathroom with the other Titans in the Tower. Beast Boy, in the form of a buffalo, is shaving his fur, while Robin is spilling hair gel everywhere, causing a furry, sticky mess. Back in the present, Robin remarks that it looks as big as a city and it must have cost a fortune. Cyborg reassures him that money is no objects, and unveils a line of customized cars for each of the Titans. That is, except for Robin, because he refused to work for Cyborg. The Titans all jump into their cars and speed toward the building, with Robin following behind on his segway.

Along the way there, the batteries in Robin's segway die, and he was pecked by vultures. "Much Later", Robin finally arrives at the building, crawling on the floor. He is dehydrated, begging for water. Cyborg finds him and picks him up. He tells Robin that he is just in time to join the other Titans for an expensive catered lunch from a celebrity chef. When they arrive in the room, Robin is shocked to find that the "celebrity chef" is none other than Mother Mae-Eye. Robin angrily reminds the Titans that she tried to baked them into pies (see Pie Bros) and that she is an evil villain. Mother Mae-Eye explains that she had given up her villainous ways when Cyborg offered her a job with stock options. She also offers him a "Ham-hand croissant". Robin asks Cyborg what CHiRPFOLiO is supposed to do, and he explains that CHiRPFOLiO is "a disruptive, over-the-top big data chirping platform that leverages our users' social graphs in social mobile web space to deliver a response design folio paradigm in a web 2.0 world". Robin mumbles to his response, but in his mind, plans to sabotage Cyborg's business, allowing his team to return to their superhero duties.

Robin tells Cyborg that he has finally accepted his offer for the chief operating officer job, to which Cyborg replies that he gave the job to Mammoth. Robin asks if he can be VP of development, but Cyborg tells him that he gave the job to Jinx. Jinx suddenly swipes Robin's phone from him. Robin asks if he can be VP of technology, but Cyborg tells him that he gave the job to Gizmo. Gizmo appears and dumps explosive chemicals on Robin's head. Robin asks if he can be VP of security, but Cyborg tells him that he gave that job to Slade. Slade sneaks up behind Robin, and smacks him in the head with a police club. Desperate, Robin asks if he can be the Director of Blue Sky Thinking. Cyborg tells him he can have the job, then asks him what a Director of Blue Sky Thinking does. Robin tells him that he thinks things up for him, like buying a blimp to advertise.

Cyborg happily buys a huge blimp, so big that even Superman is impressed. Robin suggests that they also buy a football team, so Cyborg can have someone to fly the blimp over. Cyborg happily starts a new football team, the "Chirpfolios". Starfire realizes that Cyborg is buying whatever Robin suggests, so she asks for a manicure station at work. Cyborg responds by not only granting her wish, but expanding CHiRPFOLiO into a line of day spas. Beast Boy asks Cyborg for a "GAMEBLAZER 5000", so he can play it in-between meetings. Cyborg responds by buying the entire GAMEBLAZER company, so Beast Boy can have whatever he wants. Raven asks for a life-size Pretty Pretty Pegasus, so Cyborg builds a "Pegasus Genetic Engineering Triple P Ranch".

Robin finally realizes that Cyborg will buy whatever he wants, and changes his mind about the sabotage. Robin explains to Cyborg that he has always wanted a "Diamond-Studded McGillicutty 5000 Platinum Justice Staff, with electro-shock action and laser sighting", but Batman would never buy it for him. Cyborg tells him that nothing is too good for his "Head of Blue Sky Thinking", and gets one just for him.

Robin falls onto his knees weeping tears of joy as Cyborg reaches to hand him the staff. Right as Robin begins to grab it, a man in a suit swipes it out of both of their hands. The man is none other than a representative from the company's investors, who tells him that because Cyborg ran out of money, they are closing CHiRPFOLiO and selling everything to cover their losses. He smiles evily, and yells "YOU'RE FIRED!". Cyborg begins crying and hugs Tilly while asking the man if he can keep her. The man simply replies with "No". Raven and Beast Boy begin complaining as Cyborg says good-bye to Tilly.

Raven opens a portal and tries to cheer Cyborg up. Beast Boy (in gorilla form) begins to drag Cyborg away, as he is throwing a temper tantrum on the floow. Robin tells the other Titans that he will catch up with them later, as they exit into the portal. When the portal closes, Robin tells the man that he is embarrassed for Cyborg because he didn't have any dignity. Robin suddenly falls onto his knees and begins begging the man to give him the "Diamond-Studded McGillicutty 5000 Platinum Justice Staff, with electro-shock action and laser sighting" back. The man begins to feel sorry, and asks him which staff he means. Robin lets him know its the staff he's holding, and begins to smile. The man's sympathy is fake, however, and he uses the staff to electrocute Robin to unconsciousness.

Characters

 * Beast Boy
 * Robin
 * Cyborg
 * Raven
 * Starfire
 * Slade (debut)
 * Superman (debut)
 * Mother Mae-Eye
 * Jinx
 * Gizmo
 * Mammoth
 * Investors' Representative
 * Batman (mentioned)
 * Dr. Light (mentioned)

Trivia

 * Though it had been heavily hinted at before, this comic finally confirms Slade's existence in the Teen Titans Go! continuity.