Jump City Weapons Depot
"Crack That Cookie"
|This transcript is complete.|
- [The Titans stand inside a warehouse in the Jump City Weapons Depot. On a balcony, Brother Blood is overlooking them.]
- Robin: Brother Blood!
- Brother Blood: Titans! [Stomach gurgles.] Ahhh! I'd normally have a long-winded evil scheme speech, but, uh ... And, this is embarrassing, my tum tum is acting up. I think it's food poisoning. [Stomach growls.]
- Cyborg: Oh, been there.
- Beast Boy: That's the worst, bro.
- Brother Blood: Indeed! But, the gist of what I was going to say was, you shall fall to my mind-control powers, become my pawns, and then, you know, world domination, blah, blah, blah. [Stomach growls.] Ooh! So, can we just get on with this?
- Starfire: Of course! You poor dear.
- Raven: What're you waiting for? He said his tum tum hurts.
- Robin: My bad. Titans, go!
- [Brother Blood puts on a headband and attempts to use his mind control powers, but Beast Boy turns into a rhinoceros and hits a beam, causing Brother Blood to fall to the floor. He avoids a punch from Raven's soul-self and hops onto the crates where he takes out a mind control helmet. Raven uses a shield to protect herself and Cyborg uses his sonic cannon to destroy the helmet. He avoids another blast and puts on an even bigger mind control helmet, but it short-circuits when Robin douses it with water from above. He uses the nozzle to lower himself beside Brother Blood and starts swinging his staff.]
- Robin: Your old mind-control tricks won't work on us. [Smells something.] Ooh! [Coughs.] What is that odor? Oh! [Coughs.]
- Brother Blood: I said I was having stomach issues.
- Robin: [Chokes and falls unconscious.]
- Starfire: Robin is in the capacitated! He is inside the capacitated!
- Cyborg: What do we do now:?
- Raven: I don't know.
- Beast Boy: Ah! Robin's the one who tells us what to do!
- Brother Blood: Well, I'd be more than happy to tell you what to do. [Uses mind-control to take over the Titans.]
- Beast Boy, Cyborg, Raven, and Starfire: All hail, Brother Blood. All hail, Brother Blood.
- Brother Blood: Now, my pawns, we will create a new world order ... [Stomach growls.] Assuming you are still here when I get back from the potty! Ugh! Ugh, oh ... [Runs off.]
- Robin: Uh ... what? Batman? What? Huh? Titans! Snap out of it! [Snaps fingers, breaking the Titans from Brother Blood's mind control.] I go down for one second, and you guys just freeze up.
- Cyborg: Decisions are hard.
- Starfire: That is why we let you make them for us.
- Robin: I've always worried being such a strong, handsome leader might turn you all into a bunch of sheep.
- Beast Boy: [As a sheep, bleats.] Nah! Just me, bro.
- Robin: It's time you started making your own decisions. For starters, what does everyone want for dinner?
- Raven: Hmmm, I don't know. What do you want?
- Robin: I know exactly what I want, where I want it, and when I'm going to have it. But, I'm not telling.
- Beast Boy: That's cool. We can decide on our own, bro.
- Cyborg: So, you guys want to get some, uh ...
- Starfire: Perhaps, at the one place ...
- Raven: Ooh! Know what would be good ...
- Beast Boy: Look, I don't care.
- Raven: Okay. How about pizza?
- Beast Boy: No, no pizza for me.
- Cyborg: You just said you don't care.
- Raven: Tacos?
- Cyborg: No, anything but tacos.
- Starfire: There are too many of the delicious options.
- Robin: Sorry. I am not making another decision for you guys.
- [Robin walks out of the warehouse, followed by the Titans.]
- Brother Blood: [Exits the lil boys' room.] And, I'm back! [Groans.]
- [Back at Titans Tower, the Titans are sitting at the table and surrounded by empty boxes of Chinese food.]
- Raven: See, Robin. We were able to make a decision all on our own.
- Robin: Uh, yeah. You just followed me into the restaurant, and ordered what I ordered.
- Starfire: Friends, our feast bag contains strange, tiny boomerangs!
- Beast Boy and Cyborg: Free food!
- Starfire: [Drops a pile of fortune cookies on the table.]
- Cyborg: [Eats fortune cookie.] Ah! Mine was full of garbage!
- Beast Boy: [Gags.] Mine too! No wonder they're free!
- Robin: It's not garbage, it's a fortune. A little advice to help you make a decision.
- Cyborg: Advice?
- Beast Boy: You mean, these cookies will tell us what to do?
- [The Titans, except Robin, gasp.]
- Cyborg: Hey, cookie. Should I eat you? "Follow your passion." My passion is eating free food! [Eats cookie and fortune.] Mmm! Mmm! The fortune was right!
- Beast Boy: Whoa, dude! These cookies are so wise. "Only by walking through an open door will you find your reward." [Exits kitchen.] Guys, guys! Cottage cheese!
- Raven: "You have many talents." Whoa! How did the cookie know? I do have lots of talents.
- Starfire: "Laugh long, hard, and often." [Inhales.] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Ah, ha, ha! Hee, hee, hee, hee. Ha, ha, ha! Hoo, hoo, hoo, ha, ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ...
- Robin: Starfire ...
- Starfire: Ha ... [Laughs for a whole day.] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee! Ooh, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo! Ha ...
- Robin: Listen ...
- Starfire: Ha, ha, ha, ha! Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo! Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee. Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee. Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee. That was most enjoyable.
- Robin: They're just cookies! You can't listen to them! Would you listen to a palm reader?
- Cyborg: Oh, yeah! What do my filthy palms say?
- Robin: Ugh. Is that mustard? Look ... Fortune cookies, palm reading, horoscopes, and other silly novelties shouldn't be used to make important decisions. That has to come from you.
- Cyborg: Beastie, what does the cookie have to say about that?
- Beast Boy: Hmm ... "You will receive some bad advice from a trusted friend."
- Raven: Nice try, trusted friend!
- Starfire: Now, if you will excuse us, Robin, we have the decisions to make. [Opens cookie that says, "You have a caring heart." In her room, she licks Silkie.]
- Cyborg: [Reads a cookie, "Opportunity is coming." In the mall, he winks at Jinx as she and Terra go up the escalator.]
- Raven: [Reads cookie, "Stay positive and outgoing." She laughs along with Butterbean and Sparkleface.]
- Beast Boy: [Reads cookie, "You are full of magic." He pulls himself out of a hat.]
- Cyborg: [Reads cookie, "You are wise." He attempts to play with a sorting box.]
- Starfire: [Reads cookie, "Free cake."]
- [Beast Boy, Raven, Starfire, and Cyborg eat cake.]
- Fortune Cookie: ♪ You don't know what to do, crack a cookie. Can't think something through, crack a cookie. When you're having trouble living the life that you were given, don't worry about it, man, crack a cookie. Crack that cookie. Crack, crack that cookie, cookie. Crack that cookie. Crack, crack that cookie. Get a tasty snack when you crack that cookie. Get your life on track when you crack that cookie. Get a paper stack when crack that cookie. Crack that cookie. Crack, crack that cookie, cookie. Crack it, baby! ♪
- [Robin gets the mail, throwing away the bills until he reaches a magazine.]
- Robin: Ooh! [Notices the Titans building a metal cage.] Why are you guys building a giant metal cage?
- Cyborg: A cookie told us to build a giant metal cage.
- Robin: A cookie did not tell you to build a giant metal cage. [Cyborg hands him the fortune.] "Build a giant metal cage." Oh! It did.
- Beast Boy: Oh, yeah! That reminds me. Another cookie said to punch you in the face.
- Robin: Well, that's ... [Is punched.] Ow!
- Starfire: And mine said to use the heat beam eyes on you.
- Robin: [Blasted by eyebeam.] Ahhh!
- Cyborg: Mine said to give you some of the good stuff ... The Old Shablamo. Shablamo! [Takes out the Shablamo! 3000 and pounds Robin with it.]
- Robin: Fortune cookies aren't that specific.
- Raven: Some are even more specific. "After you're done hitting Robin, put him in the cage. Then, put yourselves in the cage and lock the cage. Sit there patiently. If Robin tries to escape, hit him again. If he complains, hit him again." It keeps going, but you get the idea.
- Starfire: Now, into the cage, please, Robin.
- Robin: No! These cookies have taken control of your minds. Mind control! Brother Blood!
- Brother Blood: [Sitting nearby and eating a salad.] Very good, Robin. I have wasted so much time with these complicated mind-control plots, but the truth is people are desperate to be told what to do. So, what better way than fortune cookies?
- Robin: Diabolical! But, it won't work!
- Brother Blood: Don't expect me to be defeated so easily this time, Robin! All I ate today was a salad. No diet soda, hamburger, and cookies for me. Ooh! I wanted a chocolate shake so bad on my way over here, but I just said no. It's not worth the anxiety and stress. Oh, look! They are about to open their next fortunes.
- [Cyborg, Beast Boy, Raven, and Starfire crack open fortune cookies.]
- Cyborg, Beast Boy, Raven, and Starfire: "Destroy Robin!"
- Robin: I see now that most people are weak-minded sheep, incapable of making their own decisions!
- Brother Blood: Yes, and I am the shepherd, Robin!
- Robin: But, you are forgetting one thing, Blood! There's more than one way to influence weak minds! [Stops Cyborg's fist.] Would you like me to read your palm?
- Cyborg: Oh, yeah!
- Robin: Ooh, these lines say, "Wash your hands and punch Brother Blood in the face!"
- Cyborg: You are the boss, palm! [Replaces hand with a clean one and launches it to Brother Blood, hitting him in the face.]
- Robin: Beast Boy, you are a Taurus, aren't you?
- Beast Boy: [Gasp.] How could you tell?
- Robin: Mercury is in retrograde and you know what that means. Punch Brother Blood in the face!
- Beast Boy: I am Taurus! [Turns into a bull and hits Brother Blood.]
- Robin: [Stops Raven and Starfire.] Wait! This magical ball has a message for you. [Shakes a ball.]
- Starfire: "Punch Brother Blood in the face."
- Raven: Sounds good to me.
- [Raven uses her soul-self to grab Brother Blood while Starfire punches him in the face. She drops him.]
- Robin: Your future looks prosperous in jail! [Kicks Brother Blood into the metal cage.]
- Brother Blood: If I knew it was going to end like this, I would have gotten that chocolate shake.
- Robin: I'm sorry, Titans. I thought you would be able to make your own decisions. I was wrong for believing in you.
- Raven: We all make mistakes.
- Robin: So, what do you want for dinner?
- Cyborg: We could do ...
- Beast Boy: We could hit that one place ...
- Beast Boy, Cyborg, Raven, and Starfire: Uh ...
- [Robin walks away.]
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