The Titans Tower living room is in a disgusting state, with food, cans, and flies all over the place. Raven can't stand the sight of all the trash, but Robin, Beast Boy, and Starfire don't even seem to notice her nagging. The only thing that can break their attention from video games and Silkie is Cyborg and his new mustache. A few hairs are growing on his upper lip, making Beastie and Rob instantly jealous. Raven isn't too supportive, though; his mustache (which Cyborg has named Alex) is both gross and barely even a mustache to her. Robin sticks up for his bro though, saying that mustaches are an important right of passage into manhood. It would also gain him respect from all the villains. Beast Boy covets facial hair so he can hook up with some ladies, and Starfire dreams of having a mustache of her own so she can rule the universe with space dolphins. Cyborg's a little confused at how Star thinks mustaches work, but Robin's merely intrigued. Thinking his lip just looks sloppy, Raven feels he should get rid of it, but Cyborg says no way. Just then, Robin get's a crime alert. They'll have to correct Raven later, because it's GO time!In downtown Jump City, Gizmo and his crew have just stolen the priceless Eternity Sword. Before they can even enjoy chopping stuff with it, the Titans arrive, and Cyborg's taking the lead with his new stache. None of the H.I.V.E. take him seriously though, because his mustache is way too feeble. Even Jinx thinks it looks bad. Cyborg blows 'em off, thinking they're just jealous. And after all, it's the only hair on his body (he can't grow chest hair without a chest). But the insults just keep coming in as Gizmo likens his mustache to Mammoth's. Cyborg remains steadfast though, refusing to shave it, and so Jinx will refuse to kiss him until he does. Robin, already having rounded up Billy Numerous and See-More, wonders when the others are actually going to fight. Harnessing the power of his mustache, Cyborg unleashes a laser blast on Gizmo and a tooth-breaking punch to Mammoth. Jinx manages to run off with the Eternity Sword, yelling back at Cyborg not to come for her unless he gets rid of the mustache. By as long as Cyborg's got Alex, he's fine without her. Robin's a little annoyed she got away, but at least they got three- or four- of them (Gizmo's so small).
The Next Morning.
Cyborg's cries about his face pierce the Tower, and Raven's hopeful that he finally got that fail mustache off his face. But, somehow, it's evolved. Now full grown and electronic-looking, the mustache introduces himself as Alex. Starfire tires being friendly with it, but Robin and Beast Boy are severely scared about facial hair now. Alex tries calming them down, saying he's going to help Cy become a man now, but Robin demands and explanation of why he even exists. Apparently, since Alex is intertwined with Cyborg's Mother Box armor, he's now sentient. Cyborg now begs Raven to get rid of his stache, but Alex won't budge. He's part of him now, and no razor can separate them. Beast Boy offers to swipe it off with bear claws, and Starfire is about to blast his face with a starbolt, but Cyborg's a little worried his face might get destroyed. Robin, not one to ask for permission, tries to pry it off with his staff, but Alex won't budge; Cyborg's officially a mustache man- forever.
And then it get worse... too Cyborg's horror, Alex has now grown into a goatee as well! The mustache fills the Titans in on his plan to take over Cyborg's whole body, and Raven can only say I-told-you-so. Most of the worlds worst criminals, like Trigon, Doctor Light, Sinestro, etc. have facial hair. Robin points out that Alexander Luthor's completely bald, but Raven claims he has whiskers on the inside. Wanting freedom, Alex tries flying Cyborg out of the Tower with his jetpack, but Starfire hold him down while Robin covers the stache up with his cape. They don't want Alex to see everything they're trying, even though darkness only makes it grow quicker. Raven, tapping into her inner demon, figures the only way to purge the mustache is to purge Cyborg's soul of uncleanness. So, she gets him to clean the living room. Cyborg get's to it, not sure if Raven is for real or is just using him.
After hours of cleaning, Beast Boy recruits Cyborg to help clean his room, and Robin manages to get him to mow the lawn. Starfire also gets him to clear out the refrigerator. After many tiring tasks, Cyborg comes back, exhausted. But Robin has one more task- his cape will need to be cleaned before he gets it back. When Cyborg takes the black and yellow rag off, the Titans are in for a surprise... Alex has grown over 2 feet long! Cyborg asks Raven what the heck is going on, and of course, all that "clean your soul" stuff was nonsense. Alex tries cheering up Cyborg by going through all the manly stuff they can do together (lumberjack, staying warm in negative temperatures, or just being mysteriously bearded). But that's not want Cyborg wants... he want to be with his friends. But too bad for Cy... Alex and him are flying off, ready to do taxes, buy slacks, and be a man together now.
Suddenly, a voice commands Alex to halt, and no sooner than her does that, a blade severs him from Cyborg's head; it's Jinx with the Eternity Sword! Barely able to recognize his newly-won freedom, Cyborg quietly rejoices as Jinx remarks that a girlfriend is more powerful than any facial hair. Cut off from his life-source, Alex slowly dies. RIP. As Cyborg and Jinx move in for a kiss, Beast Boy isn't sure what's more gross: facial hair or having a GF. Starfire's thinking they should probably go ahead and return the sword, but Robin tells her to shut it. He can feel his first whisker coming in...
- Billy Numerous
- Trigon (cameo)
- Sinestro (cameo)
- Ra's al Ghul (cameo)
- Doctor Light (cameo)
- The title is a reference to My Little Pony.
- Ra's Al Ghul makes his first comic appearance in this issue.
- Everyone mocking Cyborg's mustache.
The transcript for "My Little Mustache" can be found here.