This is the transcript for the episode "Record Book".
Transcript[]
[gasps.]
- I gots the book! - You mean, the book? That's right, yo.
- The book! - The book? The book! Let me see, let me see, let me see! What book could possibly elicit so much of the excitement? This be The Giant Book of Recorded Records, yo.
It chronicles the most amazing human feats ever accomplished.
In the realm of the track and the field? Anyone can win a race.
These are people who have truly pushed human capability to the limit.
Behold! [Robin gasps.]
The largest person to ever ride a motorcycle.
[Cyborg.]
That dude who ate the world's longest sandwich.
[Raven.]
Check out how much weight this lady can lift with just her tongue.
These are truly the most special of people.
[sighs.]
I wish I were the special like them.
What? Star, you are special.
Everyone is specials in their own specials way.
But not as special as the people with the records.
I can't argue with that.
I mean, they got records and everything.
Then perhaps I can do the setting of the record.
Hmm, setting a record is a big commitment.
These things take a lot of time and effort to accomplish.
Then I shall do the sleeping prior to the decision-making.
[sighs.]
One day, I too, will be in the book of the records.
Then I will be the special.
[snoring.]
You got what it takes, Star! Oh, do you really think so? Well, setting a record ain't no joke.
Are you willing to dedicate yourself to the task? With all of my heart.
[mumbling.]
I cannot understand the sandwich mouth.
But you have inspired me to try.
[crowing like rooster.]
Good morning, fellow Titans.
[whirring, clangs.]
I have the greatest of the news.
I have decided to set the record.
In fact, I have already begun.
Which record? [chuckles.]
Can you not the see? [humming pointedly.]
- No, dude.
- [giggles.]
I shall set the record for the longest fingernails ever grown.
[gagging.]
That's be so unnaturals.
I've never seen such a thing in all my days! Star, it'll take years for you to grow your fingernails out like that.
Yeah, that dude took 50 years to grow his.
Time matters the not, for I have dedicated my whole heart to the task.
Whys you pick something so nasty, yo? So I can be the special.
At least consider an easier record to set, like, world's most likable Teen Titan.
[Robin and Cyborg burp.]
- [Beast Boy munching.]
- [Raven farting.]
Thank you, Raven.
But it is decided.
I will never give the ups.
No matter the cost! It may be a terrible idea, but I support you, Star.
I's bets you won'ts be able to last two months before you realize how shameful a goal this be.
[teeth chattering.]
Everything okay, Star? Ugh, at this pace, it will be the forever before I do the setting of the record.
You don't have to do this, Star.
You're already special just the way you are.
That is very nice, Robin.
But your opinion does not matter to me.
[crunch.]
[retching.]
- [snipping.]
- [all screaming.]
- [snipping.]
- [grunting.]
[pigeons cooing.]
Robin! Robin What? [groans.]
I have an itch under my nose that requires the scratching.
Oh, yeah.
That's the spot.
Yeah.
Do you have any idea how close I am to setting the record for the longest fingernails ever grown? What? Very close! What? [sighs.]
Just a few more of the years.
[thudding.]
Okay, this has gone far enough.
That's right.
We're cutting those nails.
Why would I let you do that? Just look at those hands.
You've been in misery the last 50 years.
And we can't let it go on.
My hands are in the pain.
The weight of the fingernails is so very great.
Then that settles it.
You're getting a manicure.
I would not try that if I were the you.
Oh, yeah? What if we try it anyway? [Starfire growling.]
[grunts.]
I will show you, what I will do.
[straining.]
Once I am able to aim my hands at you.
Your fingernails are so long, you can't even move your hands around.
You'll thank us when we're done.
And then we can have some matzo ball soup.
Do you know how many personal sacrifices have been made in the setting of this record? I gave up being the superhero.
I gave up all of the human contact because I cannot do the hugging.
And, worst of all, I have not held a single kitty in over 50 years.
I have wasted my life in order to be special when, in fact, I shall never be special.
You don't need to set any records.
You're special just the way you are.
Do you mean that? I've been saying that for years.
Yes, but I do not care about your opinion.
Oh! There's no reason for any more pain.
[sighs.]
All the right.
Do it.
[alarm blaring.]
[Starfire gasps.]
What is the emergency? [Cyborg.]
An asteroid is going to hit Jump City and destroy all life as we know it.
We may be old, but we're still superheroes.
And we can still save the planet.
There we go.
Almost there.
Just about.
Here's the plan.
We gather our remaining stock pile of explosives.
We load the explosives into the Titans rocket.
[beeps.]
Then launch it into space and blow that asteroid into dust.
[electricity crackling.]
There's a problem with that plan, dummy.
The Titans rocket is currently inoperational.
What? Now, before you get mad, just know this happened in our younger years a long time ago.
- Two weeks ago.
- That's right.
Two weeks ago.
Yeah, yeah.
We, uh, filled up the cockpit with hot, bubbly water and made ourselves a hot tub space rocket.
Hot tub space rocket! Oh, [chuckles.]
that was Let me tell you something.
Of course, the water fried all the circuits so, you know The world is going to end because of you! [all crying.]
[gasps.]
[straining.]
[cracking.]
[computer beeping rapidly.]
[grunting.]
[creaking.]
[grunting.]
[sighs.]
- [all crying.]
- [alarm stops blaring.]
[computer chimes.]
[videogame music playing.]
[all cheering.]
I knew you had it in you.
I'm so glad you had them fingernails all nasty.
You go, girl! You saved the planet.
That's what's up! Yes, great job, Star.
Oh, you are making me feel so special.
- [waves crashing.]
- [birds squawking.]
Would you look at that.
That guy set the record for crushing the most kumquats with his biceps.
That is a most praise-worthy use for a bicep.
Sorry you didn't make it into The Giant Book of Recorded Records, Star.
That is the okay - because I did make it into the book - [glass shattering.]
of People Who Have Stopped an Asteroid.
[Beast Boy.]
This is you, Superman, and Bruce Willis.
[all cheering.]
- [Beast Boy.]
That's what's up! - [Cyborg.]
You kept them nails going.
Everybody told you they was nasty!