This article is a transcript of the Teen Titans Go! episode "Teen Titans Go! to the Movies" from season 0, which aired on July 27, 2018.
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Transcript[]
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) (MAN 1 CHUCKLING) Hey! And if we just, like, download it, it would be a lot easier than if you stream it. You know? That's what I've learned. (LOUD CRASH) (GASPS) (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) MAN 2: What's going on? (GROWLS) (ROARS) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Wakey-wakey! It is I, the inflated destroyer, Balloon Man! (ALL GASP) (STRAINING) (GRUNTS) (LAUGHING) Time to inflate my bank account. (GRUNTING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Hello. (LAUGHING) (UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) - (GUNS FIRING) - Aah! (INHALES) (ALL YELLING) (SIREN WAILS) Titans, go! (ROBIN GRUNTING) (BALLOON MAN GRUNTS) (DEVICE TRILLS, BEEPS) Oh, yeah! Scabadoosh! (GASPS) Booyah! (GROWLS) BALLOON MAN: Ha-ha! Who wants a balloon animal? (GASPS) Kitties! (STARFIRE GRUNTING) - (SOFT MEWING) - (SIGHS) (GASPING) (BALLOON MAN GRUNTS) (RAVEN GRUNTS) (BALLOON MAN GROWLS) (BALLOON MAN STRAINING) (GRUNTING) Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. (LAUGHS, SIGHS) I'mma pop you, fool! (GROWLS) (GRUNTS) (FARTING) (FARTING CONTINUES) BALLOON MAN: Oh! (LAUGHING) He farted! BALLOON MAN: That wasn't a fart. That was just air leaving my butt. Which is a fart. (TITANS LAUGHING) BALLOON MAN: Shut up! You guys are awfully immature for the Justice League. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Do we look like the Justice League to you? I don't know. I thought you were maybe some of the lesser-known members. BEAST BOY: This fool thinks we're in the Justice League? CYBORG: Man, we ain't no Justice League. BALLOON MAN: I recognize you now. You are the Guardians of the Galaxy! (STARFIRE GASPS) Uh, that's a different superhero universe. I am the insulted. All right, all right. Then who are you? Yo, Cy. This guy don't know who we is. Oh, really? Then I think it's time we tell him. Go, Teen Titans, go Go, Teen Titans, go Go, Teen Titans, go Go, go, go, go, go T-double-E-N-T-I-T-A-N-S We the real heroes Takin' down the big menace - Teen Titan flows - Teen Titan knows Where there's real trouble, baby Teen Titans go Go, Teen Titans, go Go, Teen Titans, go BALLOON MAN: Ugh. Morons. Beast Boy I can turn straight up into an animal - Animal? - Animal? Yes, any animal Boom, pow Yeah, I'm a kitten now TITANS: Aw! Check out my kitten meow The star, the fire The live, the wire The alien princess in my alien attire The energy blasts The supersonic speed Is she down with the Titans? Oh, the yes indeed Booyah, booyah Go my cannon blaster Cyborg, whoo, baby Mr. High Tech Master What, what, what? Mr. Meatball Disaster What, what, what? Mr. Boom Boom Blaster Teen Teen Titans The Titans, the Teen Titans Teen Teen Titans The Titans, the Teen Titans Teen Teen Titans The Titans, the Teen Titans Teen Teen Titans The Titans, the Teen Titans Boom with the smoke bombs and birdarangs Bow staff hittin' steady Doin' my thang Robin, Robin, the leader Robin, Robin, in charge Show 'em your baby hands! No Robin, Robin's are large Nah, but for real, man. Those some super-small baby hands. No, they're not. Whatever. Just keep going, just keep going! Go, Teen Titans, go Go, Teen Titans, go Go, Teen Titans, go Go, Teen Titans, go Raven is here to drop it On you even harder There's no darker than me I'm as dark as can be Check it Azarath Metrion Zinthos Teleportin', magical powers We adios Teen Teen Titans The Titans, the Teen Titans Teen Teen Titans, the Titans The Teen Titans Teen Titans Go! (SQUEAKS) - Oh, yeah! We are so tough! - (TITANS CHEERING) Sorry, Justice League. You're too late. Our song was so sick, it took down Balloon Man. Sure it did. Since you came all this way, you guys wanna hang? Yeah, well, we'd love to, but we gotta get to Batman's movie premiere. (SIGHS) It's always been my dream to have my own movie. Well, it is important to have dreams, I guess. What do you mean by that? Well, you know, they only make movies about real heroes. I am a real hero. I even have my own superhero team. You guys are goofsters. You know, with the farts. Always cracking your jokes. You mean, people think we're jokes? Why do you think there's never been a movie made about you?
- Starfire: Well, has there been a movie about you?
So many. And more to come. It took a while, but yeah, I have my own now. There was a Green Lantern movie. But we don't talk about that. Problem is, you guys are never actually doing anything heroic. Man, please. That ain't true. What about that time we discovered that sweet diner? And they had that food? [The other Titans shout in agreement] - STARFIRE: Oh, yes. It was most delicious. - (OVERLAPPING CHATTER) That wasn't even a crime and you didn't save anything. [aside to Raven] This guy thinks we didn't save anything. We saved room for dessert! - (EDM PLAYING) - Right in your face! Titans, if you keep playing the fool, you'll never be seen as real heroes. Only as jokes. (TOY CHICKEN SQUEAKS) - CYBORG: Got him! (LAUGHS) - Somebody save me. Anyway, we gotta get going. Ta-ta! Is it true? Are we not the real heroes? Of course we are. We just took down Balloon Man. I believe we have a premiere to attend. Teen Titans, go... To the movies! (FANS CHEERING AND SCREAMING) - MAN 1: Batman! Batman! - (CAMERAS CLICKING) MAN 2: Superman, over here! Supergirl, who are you wearing tonight? Plastic Man. Hey, John, how are you? WOMAN: Over here! MAN 4: Show us the bracelets! (FANS GASPING) Oops. My bad. The Atom has arrived. Thank you! Behold... (ATOM GRUNTING) Behold, Titans! This is every superhero's dream, to have your own movie! This burrito is my dream. Titans, are you ready to walk the red carpet? CYBORG: Oh, yeah! BEAST BOY: Oh, yes! I'm ready. Let's go in! (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Hold it. This premiere is for superheroes only. Who are you? Who are we? (CHUCKLES) - Who are we? - (BEAST BOY CHUCKLES) This fool don't know who's we is. Perhaps this will remind you? Teen Teen Titans The Titans, the Teen Titans Stop! You're not on the list. But we're superheroes. Hello. We're the Challengers of the Unknown. We're here for the motion picture. Challengers, Challengers. Ooh! Right this way. The Challengers of the Unknown are on the list? That is the obscure. No one knows them! They's unknown! It's in the name. "Unknown." It's in the name! Man! How's we supposed to get in now? I do have the ability to open portals to any feasible location. - STARFIRE: Oh, yes! - That's right. I always forget about that. Portal it is! (BLOWS) (SCREECHING) Oh, man. There's no seats. What about those? I can hardly wait for the motion picture to begin. But that's where the Challengers of the Unknown are sitting. Dude, no one's gonna miss them. Yeah! They's unknown! Exactly. Challengers, we seem to be drifting in a void of complete darkness. Nothing waits for us here but madness. Madness! ANNOUNCER: Super-ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the biggest superhero movie director in the world, Jade Wilson! - (AUDIENCE CHEERING) - Whoo! All right! Who's ready to watch a Batman movie? (ALL CHEERING) Give it up for the Bat himself. No, you deserve it. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. FANS: Batman! (BOTH CHUCKLE) You know who else deserves it? All of you! (CHEERING) It doesn't matter how obscure you are. You're all getting a movie! You want a little sneak peek? ANNOUNCER: Coming this summer. From the shadows of Batman... It's happening? ...emerges a hero. They're finally going to make a movie about me! Alfred The Movie. The ultimate grime fighter. When the dust settles, only one man will be left dusting. Coming broom. (LAUGHTER) Don't worry, brah. If Alfred got a movie, you must be next. (SCOFFS) Right. My movie must be slated for next summer. ANNOUNCER: Coming next summer. A new hero will light up the night. Please be me! Please be me! Please be me! Please be me! It's the car. Oh! They did the car before you, bro. (EXCLAIMS) This is ridiculous! ANNOUNCER: Batmobile The Movie. Coming vroom. - That actually does look pretty good. - I'd go see it. I do love the Batman's automobile. They must be saving the best for last then. I'm sure my movie is next, next summer. ANNOUNCER: Coming next, next summer. The story of Batman's greatest ally. That's me! That must be me! And best friend in the whole wide world. (SHUDDERING) Finally! Thank you for making a movie about... ANNOUNCER: Utility Belt... What? ANNOUNCER: ...The Movie. You put things in it. (LAUGHING) He thought the movie was about him! (ALL LAUGHING) MAN 1: He's just a sidekick. MAN 2: He's a nobody. Sidekick! Sidekick! (WHIMPERS) (SOBBING UNCONTROLLABLY) (PANTING) (SNIFFLES) Aw, man. Forget those fools. Who cares what other people think? We have the each other and that is all that matters. Star's right, bro. What do those big-shot superheroes know anyway? They know having a movie is the only way to be seen as a real hero. You are the real hero to us. Yeah. You put this team together. Without you, we'd be all alone. That's right. Without you, bro, I'd be living in a dumpster eating garbage. (RETCHES) RAVEN: And I'd have to enslave entire dimensions with my evil dad. STARFIRE: And I would be forced to return to my life of fighting in the pit of the intergalactic gladiator. CYBORG: And I'd be playing professional football. It sounds good, but you're forgetting the concussions. The bad knees, going broke, and having to be on one of those awful dance reality TV shows! But why don't they take us seriously? We've got the cool costumes, gadgets, and the powers, and the sweet kung-fu moves. Ooh-hah! What are we missing? Well, what about an archnemesis? An archnemesis? Oh, yeah. An archnemesis is like a status symbol in the hero world. Yeah, bro. Every superhero's got one. Super bad dudes with super scary names. That are fun to say in a dramatic way. Superman's got (DRAMATICALLY) Lex Luthor! TITANS: Ooh! Lex Luthor. Green Lantern's got Sinestro. TITANS: Ooh! Sinestro. And the Flash has the Rainbow Raider! He rides upon the rainbows! That is pretty scary. If you can get a crazed lunatic to devote himself to taking you down, it means you really are a top hero. You know, the kind they make movies about. How do we get an archnemesis? (ALARM BLARING) (GASPS) It's a crime alert. A crime alert? A mysterious figure breaking into S.T.A.R. Labs. This could be it. The key to a movie about me! Titans, let's go get ourselves an archnemesis. (ALARMS BLARING) - (MEN GRUNTING) - (BLOWS LANDING) (GUNFIRE) (GRUNTS) (TIMER BEEPING) (EXPLOSION) The Justice League will stop you. Sorry, my pathetic friend, but the Justice League won't be coming. Because they're watching a movie. And as considerate moviegoers, I'm sure they would've turned off their mobile devices. Unlike some people. The Ditronium Crystal. The perfect plot device. (GRUNTS) Stop right there, Deadpool? Deadpool? What? I'm not Deadpool. I thought Deadpool was a good guy. Why does everybody think I'm Deadpool? You got them guns! And the swords. Yeah, well, lots of people have guns and swords, okay? On the way here, I passed, like, 25 people with guns and swords. By the way, he should be saying that he's not me, okay? 'Cause I came out, like, way before he did. Nah. I'm pretty sure you're Deadpool. Look into the camera and say something inappropriate. Oh, I'm not Deadpool. I am the greatest, most feared, most nefarious, most ultimate supervillain the world has ever seen! I am Slade! Slade. Wow. His name is really fun to say dramatically. Slade. BOTH: Slade! - Slade! - Slade! Slade! Silence! What is the point of all this? We're in need of an archnemesis and we think you'd be a great fit. (CHUCKLES) You gotta be kidding me. You guys are a joke. Everyone knows that. Besides, how could you be my archnemesis when you've already lost? (TITANS GASP) Because no one can withstand my powers of... Mind manipulation! Look at this. An ordinary pencil made of rigid wood and graphite. Held together by a polymer adhesive. Topped off with a delightful eraser. And what's your point? Can a solid pencil do this? - What? It's so rubbery! - Yo, that be witchcraft! SLADE: That's just the start of it. You may think you have a grasp on reality, but how can you even begin to explain this? ALL: His thumb? SLADE: Yes. An ordinary, opposable thumb connected by flesh, tendons, and muscles. But what you're about to witness may very well pull the rug of empirical science from underneath your feet! (TITANS SCREAMING) (SLADE LAUGHS) (ALL EXCLAIMING) Wait. Just stop it. These are just tricks and optical illusions. (STUTTERING) What's that over there? - Don't listen to him. - What is that? He's just trying to trick you again. It's absolutely nothing. SLADE: Oh, my gosh. No, seriously. I've never... What is that? Is that even a... Don't look! There's nothing over there. Even if one of you looks, and the other ones close your eyes... There's probably nothing over here. He's lying! Look it, guys, I'm serious. Look! (STRAINED) Don't do it. (TITANS STRAINING) I can't resist. Must look behind me. There's nothing there. SLADE: Made you look. CYBORG: What? See you later, losers. Give me a call when you guys learn how to be real superheroes. He's right. We're not real superheroes. (ANCHOR CLANGS) (DOOR BEEPS) GUARD: This premiere is for superheroes only. SUPERMAN: You guys are goofsters. CYBORG: Oh! They did the car before you, bro. Heroes Superheroes Come check this out Go, go check it out Oh, you gotta check this out - Superheroes across the land - Come see this Check this out Check it out Check it out Check, check it out (INDISTINCT ANIMALS' CRIES) What? We all gathered out here for this? CROWD: Boo! Loser! Loser! He's just a sidekick! (WHIMPERING) - (CROWD JEERING) - THE FLASH: You're the worst! (ROBIN SCREAMING) (GASPING) What a nightmare. Yo, Robin. Come peep this out, my man. (SIGHS) Not now, Beast Boy. I'm not in the mood. Trust me, dude. You's not gonna wanna be late for this. (SIGHS) Beast Boy, what are you talking about? Why am I sitting in this cardboard box? It's a limo, dude. Here we are. Let me help you with the door, sir. What are you guys doing? Have a seat, my dude. Don't forget your overpriced candy. And the corn of popping. Now sit back, relax, and enjoy Robin The Movie. What? BEAST BOY: Yo. This is a story about a dude. And this is not an ordinary dude. No, sir. This dude's got a name and it's Robin. (TITANS CHEERING) Robin was just a little baby boy that lived at the circus. Doing acrobatics and things. - Come on. This is embarrassing. - Shh! BEAST BOY: But then he grew up and he wasn't a baby no more. But he still had them baby hands, yo. (LAUGHTER) Coming up is the part that is the best. Oh. Great movie, guys. Very funny. We worked hard on that, yo. We were just trying to cheer you up. By making fun of me? Perhaps if you continue to watch... No! I want a real movie! Then let's just go get one. Oh, like it's that easy. No one's gonna make a movie about me. (SIGHS) I'm just a joke. You know what you need? You need an upbeat, inspirational song about life. Are you feeling down? Like you just can't do it today I can see your frown But it's all gonna be okay So believe in yourself There's no giving up The power's inside Yeah, that's what's up (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) It's the kick in the pants You needed This song will open up your eyes It's the feeling you can't be Defeated It's an '80s song with synthy vibes And you know it's super Upbeat Upbeat It's time to get Upbeat Upbeat The groove is sounding Upbeat Upbeat By now you're feeling Upbeat Upbeat It's an upbeat inspirational song About life I can do it all This type of song will make you feel that way No, there's no stopping me I feel the fire inside This type of song will get you energized I love this motivating melody And you know it's super Upbeat Upbeat Your life is lookin' Upbeat Upbeat Don't tell me this ain't Upbeat Upbeat Yeah, now I'm feelin' Upbeat Upbeat It's an upbeat inspirational song about life I feel like I can do anything. Even get my own movie! Hollywood, here we come! Ha-ha! Road trip! (UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING) And you know it's super Upbeat Upbeat It's time to get Upbeat Upbeat Let's make this party Upbeat Upbeat Everybody's gettin' Upbeat Upbeat I know you're feelin' Upbeat Upbeat Don't tell me this ain't Upbeat Upbeat Your life is lookin' Upbeat Upbeat This song has got us Upbeat Upbeat It's an upbeat inspi... (GASPS) (TIRES SCREECHING) (SHUDDERS) I think his dad is a cop! TITANS: Run! Here it is. The studio! Once we pass through these gates, our lives will change forever. Now, Titans, are you ready to be movie stars? Who are you? (GROANS) This guy? Really? (CHUCKLES) You don't remember us? Perhaps this will remind... Stop. You're not on the list. Great. Now how are we supposed to get in? Uh, portal. - Right. - Yeah, portal, of course. Wow! Look at this. Standing on the back lot. This is where the magic happens. - Oh, man, I love this. - Ooh! That is where the Animaniacs live. CYBORG: Ooh! It's that car from that car movie. (BATS SQUEAKING) This place is amazing, yo. They're really making movies about every superhero. And it's time they make one about me. Come on. Jade Wilson's soundstage must be around here somewhere. Hey, everybody, look at me. - I'm Stan Lee doing my subtle cameo. - (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) Excuse me, Mr. Stan. (WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY) This is a DC movie? Oh, gee. I gotta get outta here. Oh, rad! Check it out! (TITANS GASP) - (BUZZER SOUNDS) - All right. Quiet on the set. Lights! Cameras! No moving around. Closed set, please. Take one, Batman v Superman Part Two. And just have fun with it. Follow your instincts. Magic. (THUNDER RUMBLING) (BOTH STRAINING) What's your mother's name? Martha. My mommy's name is Martha, too. Wait. What's your father's name? Jonathan? - Mine's Thomas! - (BOTH GRUNTING) Cut! Clark, Bruce, that was amazing! Ooh, am I not supposed to use your real names? (LAUGHS) Relax. It's not a big deal. Everybody knows. - Let's run it again in five. - (BUZZER SOUNDS) The performances were the amazing! Well, what are you waiting for, bro? Go, Robin. The destiny awaits. You... You really think she's going to give me a movie? Give? When Batman wants vengeance, do bad guys just give it to him? No. That's right. Batman takes that vengeance. All cracking skulls and putting fools up in the hospital. Leaving them with the permanent injuries. It's the same with movies. She won't just give you a movie, you have to take it. Now what do you want? A movie. - Say it loud. - I want a movie! - Again! - I want a movie! Then take it! I'm gonna take it! Hey! Jade Wilson. (GASPS) (CLEARS THROAT) Would you please make a movie about me? (IN HUSHED VOICE) Was that too aggressive? No. It was good. A Robin movie. Hmm. What would that even be? It would be so awesome It would be so cool It would be the most incredible superhero movie the world has ever seen The screens would light up With real explosions and special effects Like tons and tons of special effects My super sweet cape would be special effects And it would blow your mind 'Cause it's my movie My movie My superhero movie It's all about me Yeah, it's all about me It's my movie My movie My superhero movie They'll be lining up to see a movie all about me No longer a sidekick No, that's not me Picture my booty up in 3D I'll shake my booty In my own movie It's my movie, my movie My superhero movie They'll be lining up to see a movie all about me I'd have the most impressive Cool and scary Big, mean, hairy adversary But not to worry I'm the man in charge Yeah, I'd have an alter ego I'd be a billionaire Standing tall with adult-sized hands And gorgeous hair Gorgeous hair 'Cause it's my movie, my movie My superhero movie It's all about me Yeah, it's all about me It's my movie, my movie My superhero movie They'll be lining up to see A movie all about me No longer the sidekick Sidekicks are lame Now I'm the superhero Putting villains to shame R-O-B-I-N is the name Ooh, and I'd have my own hero music, too It'd go Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum boom It would play every time that I entered a room Then I'd say my sweet and ominous Catchphrase Crack an egg on it. Ca-caw! It's my movie, my movie My superhero movie It's all about me Yeah, it's all about me It's my movie, my movie My superhero movie My movie My superhero movie They'll be lining up to see A movie all about me Yeah, it's all about me Robin. Wow. (CHUCKLES) Wow. You just reminded me why I decided not to make a Robin movie in the first place. I'm afraid it's gonna be a no. I'm so sorry. Why can't I have a movie? Oh, it's not you. Well, it is you. No one wants to watch a movie about a sidekick without an archenemy. I mean, the only way I'd even consider it is if there were no other superheroes. At all. But thanks so much for coming in. And I promise not to keep you in mind for future projects. (SIGHS) Oh, I am the sorry, friend Robin. Don't be. Wow, you're taking this surprisingly well. Of course I am. Didn't you hear what she said? That she would make a movie about us if we were the only superheroes around. So, all we have to do is... Kill all the other superheroes! Close, but no. I want us to save them from becoming superheroes in the first place. Every superhero is born from a tragic life-changing event. I propose we travel through time and stop those tragic events from taking place. Robin, this is the excellent plan! Ha-ha! Let's do some time-traveling, yo! To the Time Cycles! Time Cycles? What's wrong with our usual time machine? (FLIES BUZZING) It's boring. We need something more cinematic! Raven, summon the Time Cycles. Azarath Metrion Zinthos! - Ooh! - All right! Man, these bikes ain't gots no power. Where are we gonna find Libyan terrorists to sell us plutonium at this hour? We don't need plutonium. These Time Cycles are powered by radness. Are you ready? Then let's go back to the future! I mean, the past! (TAKE ON ME PLAYING) This isn't rad enough. Titans, bust some sick moves! ANNOUNCER: Sick! Gnarly! We're still not rad enough, bro! Titans, deploy time streamers! Take on me ANNOUNCER: Rad! Engage! (ALL EXCLAIMING) Yeah! - Whoo-hoo-hoo! - (GAGGING) In a day or two (RUMBLING) (PLAYING NOTES AND HUMMING ALONG) (GROANS) That's not good at all. (SHATTERING) Oh. Honey, I'm sorry. We're pretty much all dead. (GURGLING) (CRASHING) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold it right there. Yeah. Shooting a baby into space. What kind of people are you? You are the horrible parents! But we have no choice. The crystals are not harmonized. The planet is collapsing. I've tried all tonal combinations. Fool, if you wanna save the planet, you gots to play the right music. Yeah. Let us show you how it's done. (PLAYING EDM) (BOTH GASP) (SQUEALS AND GIGGLES) (COOING) (CRYSTALS HUMMING HARMONIOUSLY) Yes! That's how we do it. ALL: Yeah! Now let's go stop some more superhero origins. (THUNDERCLAP) Back in time - (SPLUTTERS) - (YELPS) Gotta get back in time (WHIMPERS) Get me back in time (CAR HORNS HONKING) Golly, thanks for taking me to the movies in this dangerous neighborhood, Dad. (CRACKLING AND WHOOSHING) Whoa! Stop! You can't go down there. That is Crime Alley, you dum-dums! (PEOPLE SCREAMING) May I suggest you take a shortcut through Happy Lane instead? Get me back in time Ah, we made it. We're back in the present and there are no more superheroes. (PEOPLE SCREAMING) (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Art, art, art, art! (LAUGHS EVILLY) What happened, yo? Without superheroes, the world has become a horrific wasteland. But are they still making superhero movies? (PEOPLE SCREAMING) (BALLOON MAN LAUGHING) No movies. Only suffering. (GRUNTS ANGRILY) Titans! Back to the future! I mean, the past! Get me back in time (CRASHING) (SOBBING) (GASPS) (LAUGHING) (GASPING AND CHOKING) Yay! (MARTHA SCREAMS) Well, altering the space-time continuum didn't work. Who saw that coming? Then we have no choice, Titans. We have to prove to Jade Wilson we aren't a joke. How's we gonna do that? (ALARM BLARING) This is how! It's Slade. Slade! - The Slade! - Slade! Slade! If we can make him our archnemesis, then Jade Wilson will see that we're worthy of a movie. So, no songs, no jokes, and whatever you do, don't fall prey to Slade's mind manipulation. CYBORG: You got it! BEAST BOY: Yeah, boy! Titans, go! ROBOTIC VOICE: Item acquired. Charging Ditronium Crystal. (CRACKLING) (BANG) Ditronium Crystal energized. (SHRIEKS, BLOWS) Ooh, that's hot. Burned my little fingies. ROBIN: Drop it. Well, well. If it isn't the "Teeny Titans." I see you're all gluttons for punishment. The party's over, Slade. BOTH: Slade! Stop it. The party has actually just begun. And I'm about to thoroughly enjoy disposing of your inferior intellects (DRAMATICALLY) with mind manipulation. While I am typically not a man of sympathy, I will pity you fools after I finish eviscerating your... Oh, my gosh! What's that over there? ALL: It's a wall. Whoa! Whoa! Impressive. Good for you. I knew it, too, obviously, 'cause I showed you. Put it to rest, Slade. We're not falling for your mind tricks anymore. Okay, I am noble enough to admit when I'm wrong. And oh, man, what is that on your shirt right there? Anyway, what I was saying was... And I'm serious, because it doesn't look great. It's, like, eye-grabbing. It's like your eye goes right to it. So, if I were you, I wouldn't go in public like that. Even, like, a lick-and-rub would work. If you just wanna, you know... On your finger, just kinda moisten it a little. I don't know how that's possible. I'm not even wearing a shirt! - (GASPS) - Give it up, Slade. It's game over. Titans, go! (TITANS ROARING) (TITANS GRUNT) (TITANS YELP) (TITANS GROANING) Impressive. (TITANS GRUNTING) (BEAST BOY GROWLING) CYBORG: Booyah! (RAPID FIRING) (STARFIRE GRUNTING) Ca-caw! (STRAINING) (SLADE GRUNTS) (ALL COUGHING) - Hello. - How's it goin'? What up, Deadpool? I'm not Deadpool! Steady. We got him boxed in. Fire! (IMITATES GUNFIRE) Can't get a clean shot! We got this! Yeah, we do! Booyah! (CYBORG GRUNTS) - Ha! - (SLADE GRUNTING) (LAUGHING) (GASPS) - Get off me! Get off me! - BEAST BOY: I'm over here. Here I am. - Too slow, fool! - Got him! (GASPS) AUTOMATED VOICE: Facial scan accepted. (BEEPING TO THE TUNE OF TEEN TITANS THEME) Vault access granted. Item secured. Crystal secure. Ha-ha! You'll never get it now, Slade. No one can penetrate our vault! Nice job, Titans. (WEAPON WHIRRING) (BOTH GASP) (ALL GASP) Raven, Starfire, save them! I'll take care of Slade! (STARFIRE GRUNTS) (BOTH GRUNTING) STARFIRE: Gotcha. - Get up. - (COUGHS) Stop milkin' it. - Rae-Rae? - Don't call me that. You saved me. Let's not make it a big deal. (GRUNTS) (YELLING) (GRUNTS) Crack an egg on it. Ca-caw! Oh. What a cool and ominous catchphrase. You truly are a worthy archnemesis. Archnemesis? Really? You mean it? I think you and I are destined to do this forever. Until next time, Robin. There's not going to be a next time. You're going to prison. (CHUCKLES) That's not how having an archnemesis works. I get away and you foil my next plan in an even more heroic way. That's what happens in a great superhero (ECHOING) movie. A movie? (SHUDDERS) Nice try, Slade. Where'd he go? Curse those Teen Titans to the power of a million. They've stolen my device and locked it in their vault. They're stronger than I thought. Not too strong. Actually, fairly weak compared to me. Definitely my cardio is superior. (PUFFING) Knees up, knees up, knees up. No matter! All I need to do is divide and conquer! (SHRIEKS) Oh, man! I'm never letting you fly my body again. Where is the Slade? He, uh, (CLEARS THROAT) got away. But we'll get him next time. It's Jade. She wants to see us tomorrow morning at the studio. - Come on! - It's the outrage! - We should be on the list! - This guy! Whoa! It's the Teen Titans! Oh, wow! Wow, wow, wow, this is an honor. You guys are the best. I, uh... I can't. Whoa. You know who we are? Yes, sir. Everyone is talking about you. You're on the list. TITANS: We are on the list! It's about time. Right this way. That is the more like the it. (GIGGLES) Welcome to the studio, my stars. Now, that battle with Slade, I mean, it was electric. Thanks, Miss Wilson. Just doing our jobs. Robin, you have proven to me that you are more than a sidekick. Now, let me show you something marvelous. The Teen Titans movie set! TITANS: Whoa! Robin, your dream is coming the true. ROBIN: Wow. Incredible. (LAUGHS) It's really happening! Dope, right? This set seems so real. Even the toilet, yo. Well, the toilet isn't real. Uh, yeah, it is. I pooped in it. - You what? - I pooped in it. Hoo doggie, do not go in that bathroom, 'cause I just wrecked it, baby. (LAUGHS) That's what's up. (AIR HORN TOOTING) - We pooped in the toilet! - (EDM PLAYS) Stop that! You are pooping in a prop toilet! I don't know, bro. Looked real to me. Ah, there is nothing quite like doing the poops in the new bathroom. (AIR HORN TOOTING) - She pooped in the toilet! - (EDM PLAYS) No one should be using that bathroom! There is no plumbing. There is nowhere for the poops to go. Hey, keep it down. I'm trying to poop in here. (GRUNTING) Robin, do your friends know that's a fake toilet? - Wow. Do not go in there. - Oh, wow. You really did. You pooped in the fake toilet. (CHUCKLES) You pooped on my set. Miss Wilson, I am so sorry. It's cool. I deal with people like this all day. Now, let me introduce you to your co-star. - Slade? - TITANS: Get him! (GRUNTS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Guys! I'm just playing Slade in the movie. It's me, Shia LaBeouf. Oh, it's Shia LaBeoufs. That's even worse than being a villain. (TITANS GRUNTING) Titans! Stop! (GRUNTS) Argh! Didn't you hear Jade? Everything here is fake. Robin, if your team is going to poop on the props and beat up the actors, this isn't going to work. Ugh. Maybe this was a mistake. No, no, no! It's not. Please. Just give me a second. Guys, this is my dream. We finally have a chance to prove we're real heroes. That I'm a real hero. Please promise me you'll take this seriously. (SIGHS) We will do it, Robin. Because it is your dream. Yeah, bro. We'll do it for you. Yeah, man. We got this. Whatever. Miss Wilson, the team and I discussed it and we promise from now on, we'll behave ourselves. That's what I like to hear. You're gonna be a big star, Robin. As long as your team doesn't get into any more shenanigans. Anybody up for some shenanigans? - Shenanigans! - (ALL CHEERING) - All right! - This is gonna be fun! We're all gettin' into shenanigans - Shenanigans - Shenanigans Shenanigans (CRASHES) (GROANS) - Shenanigans - Shena-na-na-na-na-nenigans Shenanigans Shenanigans (DOLPHIN CLICKING) (AQUAMAN GRUNTS) (GASPING) BEAST BOY: Whoa, they gots that good food in there, yo. But how can we get past the Superman? We can exploit his number one weakness. (THEME FROM SUPERMAN RINGTONE PLAYING) Hello? (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Superman, it's me. - Your girlfriend, Lois Lane. - (STARFIRE GIGGLING) Well, hello, Lois. - (TITANS GIGGLING) - How are you, my sweet little dewdrop? How am I? I'm terrible. You gotta save me from Gene Hackman's real estate scheme. Ahhh! Oh, my goodness. No, that sounds terrible. (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Oh! You's better hurry, fool. Or no more smoochie smoochies. Mwah! Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. (GASPING) I'm coming, Lois. I'm coming, Lois! ALL: Whoa! Looks at all that opulence, yo. It is so the fancy. The table is wearing the dress. Whoa! Let's dig in! - Shenanigans - Shena-na-na-na-na-nenigans (BURPING) (GRUNTING AND MUNCHING) (TITANS GRUNTING AND MUNCHING) - (DOOR OPENS) - (ALL GASP) THE FLASH: Jade says we need to finish construction by tonight. This smells of the fish. (TITANS GASP) (CRUNCHING) What happened to all the food? Let's steal some from the Spider-Man set. Doomsday device? Let's destroy it. With pleasure. Booyah! I knew you were goofsters. But using Lois and now this? - It's too much! - (EXPLOSION) I don't know why you're working with Jade. But one way or another, we're destroying that device. (LAUGHS) Stop it. How are you going to get past me? I mean... By exploiting your other weakness. TITANS: Kryptonite party! (FUNK MUSIC PLAYS) (STARFIRE HOOTING) (TITANS CHEERING) BEAST BOY: Yeah, boy! CYBORG: Yeah, baby! (CLATTERING) JADE: So... I see you've discovered my secret plan. Titans! Why did you do that to Superman? He's a national treasure. We're on to you, Jade. Yeah. You've done some kind of mind tricks on them superheroes. So they'd help you build a doomsday device. The shame upon you, Jade. The shame, the shame, the shame! Is it true? Are you building a doomsday device? It's not a "doomsday device." It's my DOOMSDAY... Oh, oh, oh... Oh, I see the confusion. DOOMSDAY stands for "Digitally Ordering Online Movie "Streaming Directly At You." In retrospect, we should have gone with a different acronym. But trust me, it's going to revolutionize the movie industry. Once finished, it will broadcast my superhero movies onto all screens everywhere in the world. Movie theaters, televisions, phones, tablets, smartwatches, microwaves, you name it. The population of Earth will be able to watch superhero movies anywhere, anytime, all the time. Wait, that thing's just a big movie projector? The Teen Titans movie was going to be the first movie delivered by the DOOMSDAY Device. What do you mean "was"? I'm killing the Teen Titans movie! (TITANS GASP) (SOBBING) Miss the Wilson, please do not murder the film. It is friend Robin's dream. Believe me, I did not want to do this. But you guys are jokes. You can't take anything seriously! That's why I won't make a Teen Titans movie. But I would make a... A Robin movie. A Robin movie? All about me? All about you. But I know you would never do it because your friends are too important to you. You are correct. The friend Robin would never leave us. - He would... - I'll do it! (ALL GASP) Bro, is you for reals gonna ditch us? But, Robin, we have done all of this for you. Done all of what? Make me look like a joke? We have to face it. No one takes us seriously when we're together. Maybe we should just go our separate ways. It's never easy to tell the truth, Robin. But I am deeply touched by what you've just done here. And you four, it was so nice to meet you, but not really. And I'm sure we'll work together again in the future, definitely not. I'm sorry, guys. But it's what we need to do. Fine. Go make your own movie. I'm going home to Dad. (SOBBING) Well, the dumpster it is. I guess I'll have to be a pro football star after all. RAVEN: That really doesn't sound that bad. Good luck to you, Robin. I hope to one day see your movie. I think it will be very good. - Star... - Don't be sad, Robin. You don't need your old friends anymore. You'll find that fame is worth so much more than friendship because you are going to be a big Hollywood star. (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) (CAMERAS CLICKING) (CHUCKLES) Wow. (DEVICE SCANNING) (BOTH LAUGH) And action! No longer a sidekick. - That's not me! - (THUNDERCLAP) Oh, that was electric! (GIRLS SQUEALING) (SHRIEKS) (SAD PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) (SIGHS) I wonder how they're doing now. They're doing great. - Really? - I called them to see if they wanted to make cameos in the film, but they're all too busy with their fabulous lives. Maybe splitting up was for the best. I couldn't agree more. Now focus, because we are about to film the final scene of your movie. (SWITCHES CLICKING) Picture this. You just defeated Slade. So in this scene, whoo, you're gonna love this, you return to the tower vault so you can lock away his evil device along with the pain of your past. And then, (IMITATES FANFARE) you emerge as a new man! Robin, the superhero! Think you can act that? Act it? (SCOFFS) I've lived it. And magic! (DISTANTLY) Robin? Robin? Robin, can you hear me? Robin. (BREATHING HEAVILY) What? What... What happened? Oh, thank goodness. A light fell and knocked you out. - (GRUNTS) - Whoa, whoa, whoa! Let's just wrap for the day so you can recover. And we'll start fresh tomorrow. No, no, I'm fine. Let's finish this movie. And that's what makes you a real hero. Okay, let's do this! AUTOMATED VOICE: Facial scan accepted. Whoa. These effects are pretty impressive. This is just like our vault. Why, thank you. I've designed it with meticulous attention to detail. Now please type in the code. AUTOMATED VOICE: Invalid code. JADE: No, no. It has to feel authentic, so go again. - AUTOMATED VOICE: Invalid code. - Focus. Again. AUTOMATED VOICE: Invalid code. No. Be in the moment! Make it look real! (GRUNTS) All right. (BEEPING TO THE TUNE OF TEEN TITANS THEME) AUTOMATED VOICE: Code accepted. - Vault access granted. - (SOFTLY) Yes! And cut! That was perfect. Robin, thank you. You're a genius. Wow, these sets are amazing. They look so real. - Well, because it is real. - (CHUCKLES) No, really. While you were knocked out by our lighting accident, I moved you to the actual Titans Tower so you could open the real vault for me. (CHUCKLES) Good one. That would make a great villain plot. We'll do it in the sequel. Whoa! Robin, what is that? Huh? I don't see anything. There's nothing there. JADE: Made you look. No! (GRUNTS) (WHIMPERS) So, everything, the movie, turning me against my friends, it was all just... SLADE: Mind manipulation. Slade. You were wearing a lady-director mask over your Slade mask the whole time! Didn't you get really sweaty under there? It gets stupid sweaty. And I've had a bunch of rashes... Anyway, it doesn't matter! Now I can complete my mind manipulation device. - The other superheroes will... - Will stop me? Is that what you were gonna say? They're too busy making movies to stop me. It was all part of my master plan, Robin. I gave all the superheroes movie deals. And while those dum-dums were distracted filming, I stole valuable pieces of tech from the cities they once protected. (LAUGHS) Now, with my fully energized Ditronium Crystal, I will have the power to encrypt your movie with my patented mind manipulation! It will stream to every screen in the entire world! And everyone will be mine to control. People will rob banks for me. People will build monuments of me! And if I tell them to pick me up from the airport on short notice, - they will pick me up. - (CAR HORN HONKS) You know what a hassle that is. And once they've watched your entire movie, the effects of my mind control will be permanent. Thank you, Robin. You were so desperate to be in a movie, that you turned your back on everything important to you. Even your own friends. This shall be your final scene. Magic. - (BEEPS) - (GASPS) (GRUNTING) How could I have been so stupid? I'm not a hero. I'm a failure with no friends. And tiny, little baby hands. (GASPS) Baby hands! (STRAINING) Baby hands! (GASPS) (WHIMPERS) (COUGHING) (GRUNTING) (YELLS) (GRUNTING) - (EXPLOSIONS) - (PANTING) (SCREAMS) (GASPS) (SAD MUSIC PLAYING) (GLASS SHATTERS) Titans, it's Robin. I don't know if you'll get this transmission, but I need your help. I know you're all happier in your new lives and I know I said we were holding each other back, but I was wrong. I thought we needed a movie to be real heroes, but we were already real heroes. Because we were a team. And I threw that all away. I'm going to Hollywood to set things right. If I don't make it back, I'm sorry. I never meant to let you down. (BLOWING NOSE) Excuse me. I'm sorry. (SOBBING) I just get so emotional when it comes to these types of scenes. You're back! Of course we're back, fool. The friendship will always bring us back together. I can't believe it! Listen, we need to get back to Hollywood. This is going to sound crazy, but Jade Wilson... Is actually Slade. And the superhero movies are part of his plot to take over the world. (EXPLOSION) Saw it coming a mile away. (LAUGHS) Let's go save the world, yo! Titans, go! Super-ladies and super-gentlemen, I am thrilled to present my latest film, Robin The Movie! (AUDIENCE CHEERING) And with the help of my fully operational DOOMSDAY Device... It's a bad name, I know. The entire population of Earth will experience the mind-blowing story at the same time! (AUDIENCE CHEERING) Unfortunately, our star can't be here tonight because he has explosive diarrhea. - (AUDIENCE GASPS) - But he insisted that tonight was too important and the show must go on! So without further ado, sit back, relax and... Enjoy us ruining your plan! Oh! My man finished yo sentence! Give it up, Wilson. Your plan ends here. Wow. Fighting through explosive diarrhea. What a champ. I do have something explosive, but it's not diarrhea. It's the truth! Why don't you tell everyone who you really are, Jade? Or should I say... (AUDIENCE GASPS) Slade! (GASPS) Slade! ALL: Slade! Game over. You've gotta deal with us and every superhero in the world. Sorry, Robin, but you're too late. (DEVICE POWERING UP) (TREMBLING) (TITANS SCREAMING) Now that they're under my full mind control, they'll do anything I want. Destroy the Teen Titans. (TITANS PANTING) (TITANS SCREAMING) (TIRES SCREECHING) We have to destroy that DOOMSDAY Device. (TIRES SCREECHING) (CHUCKLES) I think we lost him. (GRUNTS) (YELLING) Ooh! There is no stopping the Batman. (TEEN TITANS GASPING) Halt for the mighty... (ATOM EXCLAIMS) (ALL SCREAMING) STAN LEE: Hey. TITANS: Stan Lee? I'm back. I don't care if it's a DC movie. I love cameos. Not now, Stan Lee! (GRUNTS) Excelsior! We can't shake them. You guys keep the superheroes distracted. I'm going after that DOOMSDAY Device! (YELLING) (ALL SCREAMING) (ALL GRUNT) How are we supposed to defeat the world's greatest superheroes? Portal. CYBORG: Oh, yeah. Right, right, right. STARFIRE: Oh, the yes! Challengers, we're saved! (CHALLENGERS SCREAMING) (GRENADE BEEPING) (YELLING) (BEEPING RAPIDLY) (GRUNTS) (ROBIN YELLING) (BOTH GRUNTING) (GASPS) (YELLS AND GRUNTS) Look at it, Robin. No! Oh, it's so awesome. It's so cool. It's the most incredible superhero movie the world has ever seen. - No. - It's got special effects. Like tons and tons of special effects. Even your super sweet cape is special effects. It'll blow your mind. Just take a quick peek. It's your movie, your movie, your superhero movie. It's all about you. (GRUNTING) Come on, Robin, let's take this fool out. (LAUGHING) (ALL GASP) It's time to eliminate them. (DISTORTED VOICE) Must eliminate. Robin, stop! Snap out of it! You've always held me back. What are you talking about, bro? - (BEAST BOY GRUNTS) - (RAVEN GASPS) Beast Boy! Fight it, man! - Come on! - (BOTH GRUNTING) Robin, this is not the you. - (GROWLS) - (SCREAMING) Finish them, Robin. Kill! Wait! The please! There's another Robin movie you must see! Yeah. The real one. BEAST BOY: Then he grew up and he wasn't a baby no more. But he still had them baby hands, yo. You always thought I was a joke. But when there's crime happening, Robin is the dude who keeps fighting till he wins, yo. He's like a bulldog. Sinks his teeth into that crime and won't nevers let go! STARFIRE: Before the Robin, we were all alone. (BEAST BOY CRYING) STARFIRE: But he brought us together to be the team. He may not have superpowers, but he is a superhero. RAVEN: Our hero. Titans? Oh! He is the back! You were never a joke to us. You are our leader. Our hero. Our friend. (SLADE CRIES MOCKINGLY) Under the mask, my other eye is crying. We're taking you down. Together. (LAUGHS) Robin. Don't you know anything about archvillains? We always have a backup plan, girlfriend. (ALL GASPING) (TITANS GRUNTING) (LAUGHING) (ALL SCREAMING) (ALL SCREAMING) - Portal? - Portal! (GRUNTING) What? SLADE: That was weird. (ALL GASP) You're never gonna beat me now that I'm a giant robot. Give up. This is dumb. Now you're wasting everybody's time. We'll stop you, Slade. How are you gonna do it? How are you gonna beat me? You haven't done it yet. You keep talking about how you're gonna do it. What are you gonna do? Are you gonna fart on me? You wanna have a dance-off? You gonna annoy me to death with your waffles? You guys are jokes. Total jokes! - You're right. - (ALL GASP) We are jokes. We're not like the other superheroes, and never will be. (LAUGHING) But the thing is, that's okay. What? I'm proud to call myself a Teen Titan! And so are my friends! ALL: Yes! So laugh at us all you want, but we're still going to take you down! With what? One of your stupid songs? Exactly. Teen Titans, go! Go, Teen Titans, go Go, Teen Titans, go Beast Boy I can turn straight up into an animal Animal? Animal? Yes, any animal Boom, pow! Yeah, I'm a kitten now (ROARING) Check out my kitten meow The star, the fire The live, the wire The alien princess in my alien attire The energy blasts The supersonic speed (SLADE CHUCKLES) Is she down with the Titans? Oh, the yes indeed Booyah, booyah! Go my cannon blaster Cyborg, whoo, baby Mr. High Tech Master What, what, what? Mr. Meatball Disaster What, what, what? Mr. Boom Boom Blaster Teen Teen Titans The Titans, the Teen Titans Teen Teen Titans The Titans, the Teen Titans Teen Teen Titans The Titans, the Teen Titans Boom with the smoke bombs and birdarangs Bow staff hittin' steady, Doin' my thang Robin, Robin, the leader Robin, Robin, in charge CYBORG: Show 'em your baby hands! No Robin, Robin's are large (SLADE GRUNTS) Raven is here to drop it On you even harder There's no darker than me I'm as dark as can be Check it Azarath Metrion Zinthos Teleportin', magical powers We adios Teen Teen Titans The Titans, the Teen Titans Teen Teen Titans The Titans, the Teen Titans Teen Teen Titans The Titans, the Teen Titans Teen Teen Titans The Titans, the Teen Titans (ROARS) Teen Titans Go (EXPLOSION) That song was monumentally dope. (GROANS) Our song was so sick, it blew up Slade's robot. - Oh, yeah! We are so tough. - BEAST BOY: Yeah! Wow! We did it! - Yes! - (ALL WHOOPING) BEAST BOY: I said wow! What about the other superheroes? Oh, yeah. CHALLENGER: Challengers, we're free! Oh, drat! Whoa. You guys took down Slade. And saved the world. Hey, I guess you aren't such goofsters after all. (BATMAN CLAPPING) (CROWD CHEERING)
- Robin: Fellow heroes, I've learned something important today. You don't need to be super to be a superhero. You just need to be yourself.
(CROWD CHEERING) (CROWD SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY) And expanding on that thought. We should never forget that... Uh, dude? Why are you still talkin'? I'm simply trying to highlight the lesson we all learned. No one wants to hear that, man. Dude, the movie's wrapping up. People are trying to get out of here. But I need to say my important takeaway message from this experience! - CROWD: (CHANTING) Credits! Credits! Credits! You know, something kids can talk to their parents about on the drive home. Credits! Credits! Credits! I am sorry, the friend Robin. But this is not that type of movie. To the credits! (EXCLAIMING) Wait! Kids, ask your parents where babies come from!
[Poor video signal] BEAST BOY: Is it working? CYBORG: Almost got it. STARFIRE: Hurry! There is not much time. RAVEN: They need to know we're still here. [Signal improves] CYBORG: Booyah! We're transmitting. This is the Teen Titans. Can anyone hear us? We think we found a way back.
Challengers, I believe we may have missed the motion picture.